What Happens Off World
by Agent66
Summary: An upcoming wedding, an exciting bachelor celebration off planet, things should go according to plan, right? Inspired by The Hangover, the boys are about to have the most memorable night they ever forgot.
1. Prologue

A/N: First, I would like to say Grr at this site. I have been trying for at least an hour to post the conclusion of Yuku Sue Unmei to no avail. In fact, NOTHING seems to be uploading. So while I am finished with Yuku, I am unable to post it. Sorry folks!

In the meantime, here is the next fic from me. I thought after Total Recall and Yuku (which, you'll need the tissues for), I should post something upbeat (as the next couple of fics will be intense) and funny. This fic is greatly inspired and based on the movie "The Hangover",which is seriously funny if you haven't seen it. If like my wonderful, unofficial beta Rhoda J, are too young to see it (rated R here in the states), the summary is up at Wikipedia.

This is the indirect sequel to Yuku Sue Unmei (which if it ever gets posted) Why is this the indirect sequel to Yuku? Because some of the characters mentioned (or whom you've met) will show up here; this isn't a direct sequel (though I do have one in mind), but there are some aspects that are related. So, while this can stand alone, probably helpful in some areas to read Yuku. BTW, still got the poll up that no one has voted in :(.. is still up, so if you'd like to vote on what's after this fic, you can. Please?

* * *

**Prologue **

**_How the hell did you manage that?_**

* * *

A lot of things can happen in the span of a second, a minute, an hour, or even a day. Some things can be good, extraordinary, and quite pleasantly unexpected.

"We're all going to die."

Or you could be having the kind of day we are.

So, here I am, in the middle of a swampy part of this planet of evil, this horrid little planet of evil and torture and…evil…hoping that if there truly is a God, my call will go unanswered.

"Hello?"

Right. Well, on to plan B then. "Hey April. It's me."

"Oh my God!" she screams, literally screams. "Donnie! Where have you been!? We've been trying to call you for hours now!" I try to smile apologetically and then realize my mistake. "Oh my God, are you missing a tooth!?"

Of course I've forgotten that I made turning off the video screen an option on the shell cells, so instead of trying to convey how very, very calm and under control I was, April O'Neil-Jones could easily tell that wasn't the case.

"You noticed that, too?"

"Donnie, what the hell is going on?" she asks. "Where are you guys? The wedding starts in like five hours!"

And I could see that, for behind her was the reception that we would probably be missing, as well…there really was no way to explain just how badly we were going to mess things up and how, unfortunately, we would probably be missing this wedding.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "About that…um…"

I'm not sure how I'm going to tell her or if I should. Maybe I should just make something up, say everything's fine and five hours is plenty of time…but it is April and I am a horrible liar. I almost wish I had never installed video screens on our cells.

"We've…really fucked up."

I know that comes as a surprise to her. Not that we've done something dumb, she's used to that, but the fact that I've swore and I never – hardly ever – swear.

"We've…kinda lost Mikey."

"I'm sorry. What?"

"We've lost Mikey."

"How the hell…?" And I knew I was in for a very long lecture. I had known before hand, that I and Leo were to be the ones that could handle the situation. That's what we did – Leo handled Mikey, I handled Raph – that had been the same scenario for as long as I've been a turtle.

And I'm sure you're asking, 'just how did you manage to lose your little brother?'

I wish I could tell you…


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

**Chapter One **

**_It begins so innocently_**

* * *

_Two days earlier_

In the distant galaxy, there was a celebration in progress. Or rather, on a distant planet, a celebration was in the _making_. The Utrom home world was one of technological advancement, though still a gorgeous place to be. It was a mix of lush trees and grass and that of a big city. There were skyscrapers, but not big enough to block the light that came from a moon on the north side. Many of the buildings held scientific research and the like as the Utroms went to work meeting and socializing with other planets in their solar system and helping those that needed it.

They only shared technology with those they deemed worthy and those their galactic friends thought trustworthy; for example, they had been experimenting with using hover cars – vehicles that could take flight and only used natural oils for their gasoline – for years before the rest of the galaxy got on. It was still all the rage in the central area of their system, but had yet to come to many planets, including that of Earth.

On this day, two beings walked through a lovely park, strolling hand in hand. They were the typical couple, enjoying the brand new day and enjoying each other. For these two love birds, there were only two days that stood between them and wedded bliss. They were young, in love, and accepted on this planet. The young male stood at about five foot six and was a dark green-blue in color. He normally wore an orange mask around his eyes, but today he went without, allowing his fiancée to see his baby blues. Being the young turtle he was, the warmth of the day had him relaxed and certainly, the company of the young woman next to him didn't hurt either.

To his right, was the young woman who now not only held his hand, but his heart as well. She was a bit shorter than her companion, only standing at five foot five. She had a feline appearance, though she wasn't as furry as one. Her skin tone was a dark yellow, with a short length tuft of red hair coming from her head. Her name was Samira, but she had taken to the nickname given to her of 'Sammi'. It had been conincidence that she had run into her future husband – he and his brothers had been on her planet, chasing a villainous space pirate who had stolen technology from the Utroms.

She had been brave, protecting this strange green creature who had the misfortune of actually going after space pirates. She had battled these evil things before and she knew exactly what they were capable of and she knew they would take the green creature and sell him. He had such an odd sense of humor, seemingly finding the good in everything; she tried to ignore him – she had really thought and felt she'd be more attracted to the strong one or the smart one – but something about this turtle…when the pirates had taken her, he had come to her rescue. He had been warrior like - strong, and dominate.

A complete turn from the turtle she had gotten to know.

Their second meeting at been unexpected as well, as alien terrorists had blown up her planet. She had met him again on the back water hole of D'Hoonnib, scrapping what she could. He had told her they had friends, friends who could help her if she wanted to go back to Earth with them. The brainy one had suggested maybe that she would be better suited, perhaps, living on or near the Utrom home world. Sammi had thought living on another world, one that wasn't the rat trap she was on now, sounded interesting. She had felt sad though, watching the orange branded turtle leave for Earth when it was time to go.

The next two times she saw him had been when he had come to visit her, actually visit her. She had been sad to see him go those first few times - she had fully believed she would never see him again - and was sure he had one – or even more – girlfriends on his own planet. Why would he want to be with her? But that was the whole reason he had come to see her in the first place. It was certainly a unique long distance relationship, but something his older brother was quite familiar with and who had resources to overcome it. They went back and forth for at least seven months before this turtle, this Hamato Michelangelo had invited her back to his home world and then proposed.

This day, she and Mikey were walking through one of the many parks that the Utroms had on their planet. This was going to be the last day she would see him before they were to be married and that left her feeling a little worried. "Are you sure everything is going to be fine?" she asked.

Michelangelo, or Mikey to his friends and basically anyone he were to come in contact with, chuckled before putting his arm around her shoulders. "Babe," he said. "Don't worry. I got Raphie to do all the work for me."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Hey," he replied, stopping them both before putting his other arm around her. "I trust Raph; I trust all my brothers. You've got nothing to worry about."

Sammi shook her head in mirth. "Perhaps it's not them I'm worried about," she smirked. "Maybe I'm worried about you finding some hot little number while you're on Onde."

"Replace you?" the young turtle joked. "Never! I'm a turtle of my word, good lady. I will doust not leave you for some pretty face on the street, for you…YOU..my love is what my heart has been waiting for."

Sammi couldn't help but laugh at the turtle's antics, he always did have a way to make her laugh. "Alright, alright," she giggled. "I can see your loyalties are with me. I guess I can go back to worrying about what your brothers have planned."

* * *

A turtle named Hamato Leonardo stood and watched different creatures, aliens, and Utroms alike hurry to and forth hanging decorations around a large ceremonial hall. He was actually stunned at how much their Utrom hosts were putting in to this – if they kept at it, it would be a bigger production than Donnie's wedding. The eldest of the four couldn't contain the shock that he still felt – his baby brother was getting married. That would be the second of his younger brothers who would have tied the knot.

"Hey," a voice interrupted. Turning, Leo was met by April O'Neil-Jones, who of course had been the first person Mikey had invited, even before his own brothers, though he rectified the error with his excitement. They had been through everything wih April, from the very beginning. They had battled Mousers, mad scientists, evil ninjas, evil agents, and more; they had seen each other at their best and their worst.

They were family; they were her brothers and she their sister. They were uncles to her daughter – Donnie was actually Michele's Godfather – and she was Godmother to his children; they were best men at her wedding to Casey, she was a bridesmaid at Donnie's wedding and she would serve a similar purpose for Mikey's.

"They've really gone out of their way, huh?" she asked.

Leo chuckled. "You're telling me," he said. "I think Mikey's behind this though, after Donnie's wedding."

"That wedding was special," April noted. "After all, Don's part of royalty now, of course his wedding would be big."

"And of course Mikey would want to top it," the turtle mentioned. "Thanks for coming all this way. I hope it wasn't too difficult."

"Leo," the red head replied, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'd do anything for you guys, you know that. You think I'd miss my little brother's wedding? It was no trouble; besides, Mikey said I was in charge of 'making sure my wedding looks regal enough for me to get married in and if it just happens to be a bit better than Donnie's I'm sure you'll manage'. End quote."

Leo was speechless for only one second before saying, "Of course he would say that."

"Tell me what you guys got planned for him," April replied. At the look she got, she put her hands up. "I don't plan on telling him, though I guess Raph already said you guys were going to some planet off world?"

Leo nodded, hesitantly. "Raph's behind all this," he said. "Mikey had some insane idea to put him at the 'primary' best man, meaning he got to plan the bachelor party. I can tell you right now, I have reservations."

"You always do," she joked, receiving a look for her slight laugh. "Only meaning you worry and in this case, I think you may actually have due cause."

The two stood for a bit, discussing plans and the like. Leo tried his best to explain what his immediate younger brother had planned – a trip to some seedy planet – but even he didn't know the exact particulars, as Raph wanted it to be a surprise.

Afterwards, the elder turtle wandered off to stand outside, going through a large set of double doors that lead to a small garden. It was surprising to Leo, to find himself in this position. Here he was, two days removed from his baby brother's wedding, on such a beautiful planet where he could walk the streets, during the day, without ridicule or scorn. It was so rare for him to be out when the sun was warm and the day so bright.

He wasn't sure how long he stood, gazing into the distance and watching people go to and fro, watching the hover cars of the Utroms fly through the air, but he was still standing there when his brother, Raphael, found him. "You look like you're far away, bro," the red branded turtle replied.

"In a sense, I am," Leo responded. Turning, he looked at his immediate younger brother. He had been giving thought about why Mikey hadn't come to him to plan the bachelor party and sadly, the reality was startlingly clear. It wasn't that Mikey didn't think he was fun to be around; he just wasn't fun enough to _plan_ something fun. Even Donnie had gotten in on whatever Raph was planning and neither of them had told their elder brother what was going on.

"I'm thinking."

"No kiddin."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Don't you find this…surreal?"

Raph just looked at him.

"Our little brothers are married," the elder continued. "_Married_, Raph. I mean…I know we're still days away from Mikey's, but…they're…married."

"This is what's making you all uptight?" asked Raph. "I thought you liked Sammi and I certainly thought you liked Dell."

"This isn't about liking anyone," Leo sighed. "It's…you know what, it's nothing. Really."

"Look Leo," sighed Raph. "I know we don't ever actually, you know, talk…but I know something's bothering you, bro."

Leo didn't look at him, but continued to look out at the horizon. "Believe it or not, Raph," he whispered. "I'm happy for Donnie and Mikey, I really am. And I'm happy for you, too, Raph. You realize that you and Angel have been together for nearly a year? That's…that's awesome. And I'm proud of you guys. I am, I really am."

"So what's the problem exactly?"

"There's no problem," Leo sighed again, clearly frustrated that he couldn't come up with the words he was feeling. "Not with you guys, anyways. It's just…"

Raphael had meant what he said; despite being the best of friends apparently as youngsters, he and Leo really never talked anymore. There was always friction between them that was just hard to get past. But despite not talking, Raph knew his older brother. Underneath the worry wart was something much deeper. And he had a pretty good idea what it might be. He had similar thoughts after Donnie started dating Dell.

"Maybe you haven't found…" Raph started. "You know…who you need yet. We got lucky, Leo. That's what love is. It's luck."

Leo shook his head. "I don't really believe in luck," he said. "Enough of that. I'm being stupid, don't worry about it." He turned at look at his brother. "You know, Raph," he continued. "You guys don't have to take me to this One or whatever the name is."

"The place is called Onde and why would we not want you there?"

"I just…" Leo began, sighing as he tried to get his thoughts together. "I have some serious reservations about this. I mean, do you even know anything about this planet? The inhabitants? What if…what if…?"

"What if what?" Raph huffed. "See? _This_ is why you need to come with us. You're too uptight, bro! Trust me, I found out about this place from a couple of guys, Honeycutt, and Mr. Mortu. It's like a big planet Las Vegas, but better. The gamblin's better, the drinks are better, dude, it's gonna be hella fun!_ That's_ why we're going! You included."

"I just don't think…"

"No," Raph said, sarcastically. "You think_ too much_. Stop thinking and have some fun. I know you may have forgotten what that it is and what it entails, but don't worry because I plan on showing you."

"You do realize," the elder smirked. "That statement doesn't put me at ease."

Raph regarded him with a smirk of his own. "It ain't suppose ta."

* * *

In the most glorious land of Lord Roshi, Hamato Donatello was saying goodbye to his family. Donnie, as most people called him, was currently trying to pack and answer his daughter's questions. "Daddy, will you bring me something? What do you think is on that planet where you're going? Do you think Unca Leo will get me something? Why is Unca Mikey getting married?"

"Kimiko," said the girl's mother. "I'm sure Daddy would pack faster if you stopped asking him questions."

Donnie laughed, grabbing a bag in one hand and picking his young daughter up in the other. He gave her a quick peck on her forehead, saying, "Don't worry, my little scientist. Daddy used to be very inquisitive when he was little too. It drove Grampa crazy."

"So it _is_ you I should blame," replied her royal highness, Princess Dellandra of Roshi. "Should I worry about our son, too?"

Don led his small family to the living room, where he dropped his bag and his daughter, who was still going away, asking questions and telling her parents about anything that griped her young mind. The two turtles made their way towards the nursery, where they could easily hear their young son, Nick, gurgling and conversating in his own way with his toy bear.

Every time Donnie saw his son, saw the family that surrounded him, he couldn't help but be amazed and blessed. While it hurt to acknowledge, Don was smart enough to realize that he and his brothers were the first and probably the last of their kind. Puberty was tough; at a time when humans were dating, finding love, and finding their place in the world, Donnie and his brothers were just finding their place and quickly learning that they didn't have one. Running into April had been every teenage male's dream – of course they all had gotten crushes on her, though Don had known his was a bit deeper and lasted much longer.

But he wasn't a smart turtle by reputation alone – Donatello was well aware that a life living in the sewers was not one that April was suited for; they had learned that when she had stayed with them for several months. He wasn't sure when, but at about the time Donnie had realized this, he started seeing the red head more as a sister, though he was the last one to do so. It had been completely by accident when they had discovered there were others like them, though not in their world.

Meeting Dell had changed his life and the brainy turtle would never give that up, even if in another life he was ever romantically involved with April. He could still recall the older version of this hatchling, the one from the future they didn't share, who came back in order to save him, only to be killed in the process. It had given him the courage and strength to respond to Dell's call for help only a few weeks later.

It was difficult sometimes, going between two households, but Dell was understanding; she knew her husband's brothers and father were a big part of his life and it would do no good to make one family and then lose another. As her position dictated, she made sure that her husband, her father in law, her brothers in law and friends were able to get into her world and vice versa. It had been something that Don had spearheaded, with help from April and the Utroms, but with it, they managed a working dimensional transmat.

Now, it allowed Donnie and his family to go back and forth to their perspective homes. It was probably one of the greatest inventions that Donnie had ever made.

As the proud parents looked over their infant son and their ever questioning daughter, they heard the arrival of boisterous laughing that could only come from Michelangelo. "Unca Mikey!"

"That should keep her occupied," Dell whispered.

"For the moment," Donnie chuckled. They left their son happily chewing on the arm of his teddy bear and headed to greet the three troublemakers in the living room. "Good job, guys," he said, seeing Raph lifting his daughter above his head like a barbell. "You do know that my daughter is not weight lifting equipment, yes?"

"Hey," the red branded turtle chuckled. "She came to me and insisted I pick her up."

"Hey favorite sis in law," cried Mikey, jumping over and hugging Dell, causing her to giggle. "Hey bro bro, you ready to get our freak on?"

"Do I even want to know what that means?" asked Dell.

"Coming from Mikey," Leo said. "I'd say no, absolutely not. You ready, Donnie?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Please bring my husband back in one piece," Dell replied, looking at Raph specifically.

"No worries, Dell," the temperamental turtle said. "What could happen to little Don Don over here?"

"Famous last words," said turtle muttered.

"Leo?"

"I promise to keep Don and the others out of trouble," the eldest responded, sending a smile to his sister in law.

"Goodbye, love," Dell whispered, kissing her husband.

"Bye," the young turtle sighed. Turning to his daughter, he picked her up and kissed her cheek. "You, little miss, be good for your mother. Not too many questions."

"But Daddy," the little girl squirmed. "What if something impor'ant happens? What if the water stops? Where does the water come from, Daddy? And where does it go? And…"

"It's like a little girl Donnie," Mike laughed.

"Did you expect him to have any other kind of kid?" asked Raph.

"Yeah, yeah," Donnie grumbled, good naturedly. "Let's head out before you cause any more damage."

The four headed to a nearby clearing where Raph removed a small, square device from his bag. "Mr. Mortu gave this to me," he explained. "Said that we're all set to land near the hotel Donnie set up. And when we're ready to head back, we just take off. Nice huh?"

"Remarkable design," Don whispered, reaching out for it, only for his older brother to slap his hand back.

"Down, boy," he growled. "No scientific missions, no overbearing hens, and…dear God…no anger management issues. Despite my best efforts, this trip is actually about Mikey."

"May God have mercy on our souls," Don snickered.

The four laughed. Raph looked at each of them before hitting the large button on top of the box. A light encased them and they were whisked away.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Right. So I'm able to at least copy and paste, so at least I can do that. Still not happy though. Wanted to give you all a heads up - from here on out, there will be language, a lot of it bad. From everyone and while I tried to keep everyone in character, you'll notice as their adventure progresses, they will start to behave...um...in a not so rational manner.

Also, terribly sorry for not doing this, but here is the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: TMNT and its characters are property of Eastman, Laird, and Mirage Studios. The Hangover and illusions to the movie are property of Warner Bros and Legendary Pictures. This story is for entertainment purposes, with no monetary gain being invoked. Original characters Dellandra Roshi, Samira (Sammi), Kimiko Roshi, Niccolo Roshi, and others are copyrighted to WebMistressGina 2009.

* * *

**Chapter Two **

**_What Happens Off World..._**

* * *

"Holy shit, Donnie!"

While probably not the most appropriate form of praise one could expect, it was the best Raphael could do when he looked around at their surroundings. Mikey had put him in charge of all the bachelor activities, but Raph had put it to _Donnie_ for a nice and affordable place for them to stay for the night. He knew his geeky brother would do all the research that he himself would probably over look and in taking a look at where they were, he knew Don had gone gung ho about searching for places. They now stood in a transport area in a swank hotel called The Malragio on the planet of Onde.

From what Raph had found out, this planet made Las Vegas look saintly. It was the only planet in the Theta system that had legal – and sometimes illegal – gambling. It was like the great granddaddy of Vegas and Atlantic City. One of the Utrom assistants had told him you couldn't go anywhere on the planet where you couldn't drink or gamble at any time of day.

It was glorious.

The planet certainly showed its share of tourists; people like the Hamato brothers came to Onde for thing or another, usually in celebration of a birthday or wedding or to even just get away from some trouble. Donnie had been trying to figure out what the name meant, because he was convinced he had heard it before, but just couldn't remember where and what the translation was. That aside, Donatello liked the look of the place – he had been able to use the technical systems on the Utrom home world to find more information about the hotels on the planet and he knew he had found a good one in the Malragio.

Now, after heading into what most would call the lobby, it was the equivalent of a five star hotel in New York and it certainly showed – the lobby was decorated in what would be considered as the classic style in the US, though you could see the items were historic in nature. There were high ceilings and even a waterfall near the door; there were plush sofas and chairs around, with natural flora and fauna.

"I gotta say, Donnie," Leo replied, awed at the sights before him. "I…gotta agree with Raph, as rare and odd as it is, this is…wow."

"Dude Donnie!" Mikey exclaimed, throwing his arms around his brother's shoulders. "You really do love me!"

The brainy turtle couldn't help but chuckle, trying to pull Mikey off him. "I couldn't let you spend your last days as a single turtle in a cheap little motel. Think of this as my wedding gift."

The four approached the counter where a strange, but attractive alien female stood, waiting to help. She greeted them in a strange language, before giggling and saying in English, "Welcome to the Malragio. How can I help you?"

"We have reservations," Donnie replied. "Should be under Hamato, first name Donatello."

The alien woman brought up a virtual screen full of names, before finding Donnie's name. "Here it is," she said, smiling at them all. "You're in one of very premiere rooms, Mr. Hamato."

Raph whistled, while Leo and Mikey looked him. "Donnie, where'd…"

"I love you!" Mikey yelled, once again hugging Don. "You are my favoritest brother!"

"Hey!" Raph interrupted, prying his brothers apart. "Donnie just got you the room. I got you the excitement." Turning to look at their check in girl, he gave her what he hoped was a dashing smile. "Say gorgeous," he said. "Where's the best place to have some fun around here?"

The girl giggled again, blushing faintly. Motioning him closer, she whispered seductively, "Everywhere."

At least three of the turtle brothers were giddy at the prospect at an entire planet where they could have as much fun as possible. Leo, despite his want to have a good time, couldn't shake his ever present feelings of dread. There were so many things that could potentially go wrong, that could endanger him and his brothers, that could be…

"Do you ever stop thinking about gloom and doom?" Raph asked, as their elevator stopped at the top floor. "Maybe we should turn this in to a 'show Leo a good time' trip."

"I don't know about you, bro," Mikey snickered. "But I think that's illegal in most planetary systems."

"Fuck off, Mike."

"Guys," Donnie said, leading them to their room. "Play nice please."

The four entered their room and once again, Raph swore in appreciation. Their room was literally huge – it was like a large four bedroom apartment, with a wide open living area, complete with a side bar that looked to be fully stocked with the planet's equivalent of alcohol. They had large windows in order to see the lights and sights of this new and exciting planet.

"Again," Mikey crowed, pointing at Donnie. "Best. Brother. Ever."

"That's harsh, Mikey," Leo replied, shaking his head. "Real harsh."

"I guess he doesn't wanna leave the room," Raph sneered. "Seeing as he's so in love with it. It'll break Sammi's heart, that's for sure."

"Don't mind them, Mikey," Donnie consoled, patting his little brother on his shell. "They can't help it if they're jealous. Not everyone can be 'best brother ever' after all."

After that comment, there was ten minutes of rough housing, most of which was done by Raph upon both Donnie and Mikey, while Leo basically caught them and pushed them back into play, so to speak. When the four were done wrestling and beating each other, Raph managed to corral them into their separate rooms to get dressed. "Dressed for what?" Mikey had asked.

"You'll see," was all he would say.

For Raphael, the room was absolutely beautiful. He had a king size bed, with another glorious view of the planet's surface from his windows and he was sure the others had something similar. While they had never been big on dressing in human clothes unless they needed a disguise, Raph somehow felt this was a special occasion. His baby brother was going to be married in two days and he wanted his last days of singlehood to be memorable, especially when they weren't hindered by who they were or what they were. For one night at least, they could be like everyone else.

Of course the first person he called was his girlfriend and despite the fact that Donnie was in lead for best brother ever, Raph had to admit his little brother was the bomb. Only the geeky turtle would think to utilize the technology from their other world friends to make sure they could be in contact with anyone, no matter where they are.

"You should see this place, babe," he was saying, looking out the window into the city. "Don Don went all out, that's for sure." He wanted a beat before frowning. "What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.

The red branded turtle turned, to see his brothers standing in his room, already dressed, and apparently enjoying his conversation. "I'll have you know that Mikey _does_ think I'm the best brother ever," he was saying, while smirking at the others.

The turtle in question shook his head in mirth. "He hasn't proven it yet, Angel!" he shouted, hoping the person on the other end could hear him.

"She says fuck off," Raph growled.

"Did not!"

The others laughed as the temperamental turtle shook an angry fist at them. "Listen babe," he said, speaking to Angel. "I gotta go. Don't worry. What could go wrong?" He again waited a beat, before saying, "Now what's _that _supposed to mean?"

"Dudes," Mikey whistled, looking at his brothers. "We are looking mondo cool tonight."

"Hey Raphie," Don asked. "Any particular reason we're all dressed to the nines here?"

"Despite being a pain in our asses," Raph said, putting on a vibrant red shirt. "I thought we'd get all pretty for Mikey's big night."

"Aw Raph," Mikey cooed. "You didn't have to shower for little ole me."

"You're lucky it's your night tonight, Mikey."

"That's right, bros," Mikey said, flexing one of his arms. "It's my night, so all praise me!"

"Let's go before we can't get his head out the door," joked Donnie.

The four left their room and headed for the elevator. They were looking 'fly' as Mikey would say. They each wore their colors in some form or other in their dress - Leo wore black dress pants, with a nice long sleeved blue dress shirt; Raph went dress suit, though he didn't wear a tie with his silk red shirt; Donnie went a little more casual, wearing a purple polo with his slacks; Mikey was casual, but stylish in his own ninja turtle way. His ensemble was completely in orange, from his tie to his vest to the cargo shorts he wore.

Arriving at the elevator, Leo and Mikey were a bit surprised when Raph hit up. "Why are we going up?" asked Leo.

"You'll see," was all he would say.

They were mostly silent as their transportation took them to the roof, which was clearly marked as a do not enter area. "Why are we up here?" Leo asked again. "The signs are clearly marked."

"Let up already, Leo," Raph growled, standing on the asphalt and looking around. "Look at the view up here!"

"It's beautiful," whispered Mike. "You really out did yourself, Raphie. And here I thought you didn't like me."

Raph grabbed the youngest in a headlock, applying a light noogie to his head. "You're a major brat," he said, jokingly. "But I can't say I outright hate you."

"All this sentiment is actually making me a little sick," Donnie quipped, holding four glasses and a bottle in his hands.

"What is that?" Leo asked.

"Hold this," Don replied, thrusting a glass in his hand. "And find out."

"Donnie…"

"Just drink, Leo," Raph replied. He and Mikey joined the other two and took the glasses offered to them. "I would first like to thank my accomplice," he continued, looking over at Donnie. "For without Brainiac here, we wouldn't have gotten these swank digs, nor would we have our first drink for the night. To Donnie!"

"To Donnie!" They toasted, drinking quickly with the exception of Leo.

"Oh c'mon, Leo," Raph chastised. "Just drink the damn drink." Looking at Mikey, Raph put his arm around his shoulders in an one armed hug. "Knowing you as long as we have, Mikey," he began. "You really take to being the baby by being obnoxious and annoying…"

"I'm not liking this toast, bro."

"As your older brothers, _Michelangelo_," Raph continued. "It's our job to make sure you go through life with the right attitude and outlook on life. Despite your…"

"Exuberance," Donnie supplied.

"Yeah," the turtle in red replied. "Exuberance. So despite that, and I don't say this very often, you grew up to be a good guy and as your brothers, we're proud of ya."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, Mikey," Leo said, smiling. "We're proud to have you as our brother and we're proud to have to Sammi join our family." He nodded to Donnie, who happily poured them all a second drink. "To Mikey; may this night be the only rough patch in an otherwise happy and blessed marriage."

"Hear hear," Donnie seconded, clinking his glass with the others and downing his drink.

"Thanks, guys," the younger turtle whispered. It was rare when all three of his older brothers felt so strongly. Mikey knew he could be a pain sometimes, especially with Donnie and specifically with Raph, but he sometimes he missed their younger days, when Leo always took care of him when he was sick, Donnie always played with him, and Raphie always protected him. He guess things hadn't really changed, just matured he guessed, but he never noticed his brothers trying to make him grow up.

They really did look out for him and make sure he never encountered the bad things that they had.

"It's like when we brought him home," Donnie joked. "Remember?"

"Yeah," Raph chuckled. "Those gypsies just couldn't stop running away from you fast enough. We tried everything we could to give you back."

"They refused to take you," Leo spoke.

"Is this the little boy we've cared for?" Donnie sighed.

"Sunrise, sunset…"

"Hilarious," Mike deadpanned. "The whole lot of you. So funny, I forget to laugh. Ha. Ha."

"Alright," Raph huffed. "Enough with the mush. Time for some fun."

Holding up a key card, Don smiled, saying, "Mr. Mortu was nice enough to give us a nice car to drive around in."

"Fuck yeah!"

"Mr. Mortu gave you his car?" Leo asked, slightly concerned.

"He's letting us borrow one of their prototypes," Donnie said. "With the assurance, of course, that I would drive."

"Yeah, right," Raph said, snatching the card from his brother. "Enough talk. Let's go."

* * *

The scene was one of complete and total destruction. The room, which hours earlier had been pristine and white and whole, now looked like a hurricane had come through a war zone. Things that had stood upright were now toppled over, there were bits and pieces of furniture and debris on the floor, and a fire had broken out in the arm chair. For a moment, only the sound of tiptoeing feet could be heard leaving and the door opening slightly, then closing behind whoever had left.

Donatello, who had found a spot on the floor, lifted his head suddenly before wincing at the pounding that went through his brain. Stumbling to his feet, the brainy turtle nearly found himself back on the floor, as the world around him shuffled to and fro. He didn't remember how he got to the floor, nor could he remember dragging himself to the lush sofa that he had fallen into.

Was that chair on fire?

Leonardo, his brother, suffered a same fate as his body slid from the comfort of the coffee table and onto the floor. Dear God, he was going to be sick. He didn't think he had ever drank so much in his life. In fact, he _never_ drank. The last time he even had a drink was when Mikey had turned 21 and he had insisted his biggest and bestest brother join in the drinking games. Thankfully, Mikey was well on his way to being drunk, as was Raph, so it made getting out of drinking that much easier. But this…he had never experienced what he was experiencing right now.

Getting a strong grip on the table, the elder turtle also stumbled to his feet and slowly, but surely made his way to the bathroom. His stomach was full, much fuller than it should be, but he hoped relieving himself would help to get rid of the queasiness and the heaviness that churned through his stomach. Standing in front of the toilet, he began his business, eyes closed and hoping to any higher power that he wouldn't be sick. Turning slightly, he thought he could make out the image of a large brown bear, sitting on the floor next to him. It growled at him, as a bit of a warning, but Leo ignored him, going back to his current business.

When the signal from his eyes finally triggered to his brain, the message was very clear – there was a large brown bear in the bathroom with him and it looked to be very angry. Once the message had been filed and stored, the turtle's brain got to work. It sent the message to his body to immediately fling itself to the wall to be as far away as possible. It then sent the message to Leo's vocal chords, demanding that instead of the calm and peaceful tone that he usually employed, he would scream in terror, though not on par with some of the screams he had heard from his baby brother.

The last request was that his legs move at the speed of light, in order to get out of said bathroom with said bear. Unfortunately, so engrossed with these messages, the eyes failed to see the lump that lay in front of the bathroom door, until it was too late and Leo ended up tripping and flying across the room. "What the fuck?" came the cry from the buddle on the floor. Blurry and hung over as all get out, Raphael glared at his older brother. "What is your problem?"

"There's a bear in the bathroom!"

"Say what now?" Donnie asked, confused.

"There's a giant bear in the bathroom!" Leo repeated.

"Calm down," Raph said, getting to his feet with some difficulty. "I'll…go check it out."

"No!"

Raph waved him off, opening the door and peaking in. The roar was enough to tell the others that Leo was correct. "Holy shit!" Raph cried, closing the door quickly. "He's not kidding. There's a fucking bear in there."

"How in the world does a bear get into our bathroom?" asked Donnie. "That doesn't make any sense! That's just…that's just crazy! Where the hell did we find a bear? And why did we put it in the bathroom? Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

His older brothers were staring at him with different looks of confusion and wonder on their faces. "What?" the brainy turtle asked.

"Are you missing a tooth?" Leo asked, shockingly.

"What!?" Grabbing a nearby mirror, Donnie looked at his reflection and was shocked to see that one of his incisors was clearly missing. "What the hell happened to my tooth!?"

Raph couldn't help but chuckle, causing Donnie to stare at him incredulously. "You think this is _funny_?" he screeched.

"Yes, actually," he said, looking around the room. "Whoa. What the hell did we do last night?"

"Trash the room and lose teeth, apparently," Leo replied, also looking around.

"Fuck," Raph whispered. "Mikey's gotta see this." He stumbled his way to the bedrooms, leaving his brothers agitated in the living room.

Leo just shook his head. He knew something like this would happen. Well…not a_ny_ of _this, _per say, but he knew something would happen. Looking to Donnie, he sighed again. How exactly did he lose a tooth? Their teeth were strong, stronger than the average humans and his brother certainly wouldn't be losing teeth at this stage in his life. Had there been a fight? Just as he was about to console his brother, who was painstakingly trying to find his tooth, Raph reentered the room.

With no Mikey.

"You guys seen Mike this morning?" he asked.

"No," Leo replied, slowly. "He isn't back there?"

Raph gave a small shake of his head. "I looked in the all rooms," he shrugged. "Weird, though."

"What?"

"His mattress is gone."

"I knew it," the elder turtle muttered. "I knew coming here would be trouble. We need to start searching, we need to split up and…"

"We _need_ to chill out and sit down," Raph huffed, walking over. "I'm sure everything's fine."

"How can everything be fine, Raph?" Leo questioned. "Our brother is missing, Donnie's missing a tooth, and there's a bear in the bathroom!"

"Well, getting all panicky about it isn't gonna make him leave," Raph growled. "You fucking worry too much. Mikey probably rolled his fat butt outta bed and went down to breakfast. You know drinking makes him hungry. Hell, _anything _makes him hungry. Look Leo, I know you don't ever have a good time, but this is called the aftermath of a good, fucking time. I'm hung over as fuck. What we need to do is get dressed, get ready, and head down for some coffee. When we're thinking clearly, cause you obviously ain't, we drag Mikey back up here and look for Donnie's tooth. Simple."

"That does sound simple, Leo," Donnie replied, looking up at his elder brother. "Why make things more complicated?"

Raph nodded to his brother, silently thanking him for the support. "Look, Fearless," Raph sighed, looking around for his shell cell. "If you're that scared, why don't you give him a call?"

He found the phone in his pocket, then tossed it to his brother. Leo's face was grim as he located Mikey's number on the phone and dialed. Suddenly the sound of ringing was heard, causing Donnie to look around him. He found the culprit lodged in the seat cushion he sat on and, flipping it open, he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Donnie."

"Yeah?"

"It's me."

"Me who?"

Leo was about to answer, but was stopped when Raph slapped Donnie lightly on the back of the head. "You channeling Mikey now?" he asked, angrily.

"Ow damn it!"

Snatching the phone from Donnie, Raph looked at Leo, clearly seeing the panic that was rising. "Calm down," he warned. "All this means is that Mikey was too hung over to grab his phone. That's all. Again, you're making things too freakin' complicated. This is fine, this is simple. Don't complicate."

A noise, a rather loud cry, startled them. "What was that?" asked Leo. The crying continued, causing the three to look towards their kitchen and formerly fully stocked bar. Walking as one, the three entered the half room and were shocked to find the source of the noise. On the floor, in a bassinet, was a baby. A blue alien baby, but a baby none the less.

"Who's baby is this?" Donnie asked, surprised.

Raph got a frown on his face. "Things just got complicated."

"That's all you can say?" asked a slightly panicked Leo. "Raph, look around you. Our room is in pieces, there is a bear in our bathroom. Our _brother_ is missing! What the hell is going on? Why is there a bear in our bathroom? Where did this baby come from? Why…why is there an alien walking through our living room?"

The others looked up and were stunned to see a small, grey alien walking through the living room and towards the door. He wore a little top hat and was swinging around a cane. He nodded to them, asking, "How ya doing?"

"Fine," Leo answered. "And yourself?"

"Can't complain," the alien replied, heading for the door. "Awesome party last night."

"Thanks."

Despite his size, the little creature managed to squeeze himself through the crack under the door and was gone, leaving three very confused turtles.

"What the hell happened last night?"


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay gang, last update for the night. Currently watching The Hangover, so thought I'd give you one last chapter. I am still unable to upload anything, which is really annoying, I might say, so I'm done with dealing with this for the night. If the fates are with me tomorrow, I'll get another one to you, but if not, you all will have to tied yourself with this cliffhanger! Ha!

In case you don't know, The Enchanted Dragon is US chain (I believe) tattoo shop. They have a great many designs and many people that I know with tats have gotten theirs there. I myself nearly got my Scooby one there, but alas they didn't have the Scooby I wanted.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**_In which there are hi-jinks_**

* * *

Leo was, by far, more panicked and concerned than he let on. He just couldn't believe Raph and Donnie were so non-chalant about everything that was happening, but really, he should have expected that. It always fell to his shoulders to make sure things ran smoothly, that his brothers stayed out of trouble, and when they did manage to find trouble, he could form a plan to get them _out _of it.

This…was beyond trouble.

And Leo couldn't remember one thing, not one single damn thing. He knew the others felt the same way and while he had never been drunk the way he felt now, he didn't think they had all blacked out. If that wasn't enough, he had literally searched the entire hotel, from top to bottom and could not find his brother. Anywhere. He checked the most likeliest places – the buffet, the pool, the locker rooms – nothing. He had asked people that worked there and nothing.

Where could he be?

Clearly agitated, he walked back to the table where he had left Raph, Donnie, and their baby friend. "I've checked everywhere and asked everyone," he began. "No one's seen Mikey. At all."

Raph sat back against his chair and let out a breath. "I don't think I have ever been this hung over before," he stated. "And why can't any of us remember?"

"Things aren't so simple now, are they Raph?" sneered Leo.

"Guys, c'mon," Donnie soothed. "Arguing now isn't going to help. What we need to do is try to remember or look for clues in helping us remember. What's the last thing any of us _can_ remember?"

"First," Raph said. "We were on the roof."

"Right," seconded Leo. "And then we went to dinner. I think."

"I don't even remember going to dinner," Donnie replied, shaking his head.

"There's gotta be something," muttered Raph, going through the pockets of the pants he hadn't removed. Pulling out his hand from one pocket, he held up with looked like a small white cube. "What the hell is this?"

"My tooth!" Donnie cried, excitedly, before frowning. "Why do you have my tooth?" Raph just shrugged, handing the tooth to his brother.

"What is that on your arm?" Leo asked, grabbing Raph's arm and turning it over. On the underside of his forearm, all three were shocked to find a tattoo. "Is that a cow?"

"On a tricycle?" asked Donnie.

"What the fuck!?" Raph exclaimed, causing a few of those outside to look their way.

"Raph!" Donnie chastised. "Watch your language around Isaac!"

Leo gave him a sharp look. "You went ahead and named someone else's baby Isaac?"

"You don't think he looks like an Isaac?"

"Donnie, it's not our baby!"

"Hey!" Raph interrupted. "More important things here, like why the hell do I have a tattoo of a cow on a tricycle?"

Donnie groaned. "Okay," he grunted. "Raph had a good idea. Everyone go through your pockets, look for anything that might be important."

The three went through their pants pockets, pulling out various items like receipts and coins. Leo ended up pulling out a matchbook with the name 'Hot Rockets' printed across the front; Donnie found at least three small empty bottles of alcohol; Raph found the receipt for his tattoo, which apparently was done at the Enchanted Dragon. "Huh," he said, looking at the receipt. "When the Utroms say they're gonna bring species together, they don't fuck around."

"That's a clue," Leo said, taking the small bit of paper. "The time stamped on here is 2:39am."

"Let's see," Donnie murmured, getting a pen from his pocket and grabbing a napkin. "We got here around, what? 6pm? So, let's say, we took thirty minutes to get ready, that puts us on the roof around seven…say we stayed there for about ten, fifteen minutes, went to dinner around…7:15p. Let's suppose we took an hour, so about eight…that's six hours from dinner to when Raph got that lovely tattoo. Does anyone remember if Mikey was with us?"

"Donnie, we don't remember anything!" growled the red branded turtle.

"Let's assume he was," Leo suggested. "That still means from about three am to now, that's five hours. All together, that's eleven hours that Mike could have been missing. Not good, definitely not good."

"Will you calm down?" asked Raph, getting annoyed with the way Leo was acting, though it was nothing new.

"Calm down, he says," Leo muttered, angrily. "Our baby brother is missing and he wants me to calm down."

"Yeah," Raph mentioned. "Cause we have clue, okay? We just go down to this place and find out if they know anything. I bet you anything Mikey's up to what he does best and that's annoy the shit outta us. We'll spend all our time looking for him and he'll be all cozy in bed, watching TV or something."

"Didn't you say his mattress was missing?" asked Donnie.

"Shut up."

"He has a point, Leo," the brainy turtle replied, shooting at look at the turtle in red. "If anything, we can at least find out what happened. I'm sure Mikey's fine and we're just missing running into him. For now, Raph's right. If Mikey _is_ missing, we need to find out where _we_ were last night; if Mike was with us, that'll narrow our timeline down."

Leo sighed. Donnie always did have a way of soothing him when he started to worry too much. He was right, they _both_ were. They couldn't begin to discover where Mikey had taken off to if they themselves couldn't remember anything past dinner or in Don's case, anything past being on the roof. Horrible thoughts and images were filling his mind, but he did his best to push them away. He needed to be calm and thinking clearly. "You're right, Don," he whispered. "As always. Let's head back upstairs , get ready, and head to this tattoo parlor."

* * *

The trio was ready within a few minutes, temporarily forgetting the bear in their bathroom. Luckily, being the size of room they were in, they were afforded with two bathrooms, though waiting for the others was a hassle, but they were used to that. They lived together after all. Leo felt free just dressed in his normal garb of protective pads, his mask, and his swords, even if Raph told him to leave them at home. He had been lucky no one thought to check their bags, as it was the only way he'd get his beloved weapons to the room.

Walking out of his room and into the living room, he was surprised to see that Raph still seemed to be wearing what he had last night and even Donnie had changed into cargo pants and a polo, though both were wearing their signature masks. "Really?" Raph asked, seeing Leo dressed the way he was.

"Hey," the turtle in blue countered. "I'm ready to go."

"So you think people will just let you walk around with two swords strapped to yer back?"

"So you just want to walk around this planet, with no protection what so ever!?"

"Leo," Donnie interrupted, knowing a fight when he heard one. "Raph's right. While we don't have to stick to the shadows on this planet, let's try and be as inconspicuous as possible. We want people to trust us enough to give us some idea as to what may have happened. Can't really do that if you have a weapon at their throats."

"Hey bro," Raph amended. "I am all for good turtle, bad turtle, but Brainiac here has a point. For the first time in our lives, we can walk around like…like…we _belong_. Let's not go ruining that, yeah?"

"Fine," Leo huffed, removing his swords and placing them on the couch. "But when we get attacked, don't come crying to me."

"Please," Raph said, rolling his eyes. "You think we don't pack?" He lifted one side of his shirt and sure enough, one of his sai handles were visible from the waist line. "Donnie's got a keibo in his pocket. We're solid, ok? If you really need to feel secure without your security blankies, I'm sure Don Don's got extras in his bag or pocket or wherever he keeps spare parts."

"I'm a turtle," Don groused. "Not a robot." None the less, he reached into a side cargo pocket, pulling out something that looked like a small night stick, before tossing it to his elder brother.

"Are we ready?" Raph asked, impatiently. Receiving nods from both his brothers, he headed towards the door. "Why do you have that baby?" he asked, seeing Donnie carrying it in a little baby carrier around his plastron.

"Oh yeah, Raph," replied the brainy turtle, sarcastically. "I'm just gonna leave it in the hotel room by itself."

"It's not our baby," Raph countered.

"It must be the bear's then," Donnie intoned. "I'd ask, but you know. It's a _bear_."

"The baby comes with us," Leo decided. "The least we can do is maybe head for a police station or hotel security and say we…we found it or something."

"Fine."

The three headed down to the lobby, Leo heading towards the front desk in order to ask about the baby. Raph and Donnie made their way outside, to valet and waited for their elder brother. When he joined them, there was the all too familiar frown on his face. "Front desk said they haven't heard of anyone missing a baby," he sighed. "I told them if anyone is looking for him to leave a message with them or to give us a call." The elder turtle was dismayed to find that his younger brothers hadn't been paying any attention to what he had just said. They were too busy looking up at something.

"Guys?"

"Give a look up."

Looking up, Leo was surprised to see a large mattress dangling over the side of the hotel's roof and several strange creatures were hovering around it, trying to get it down. "What the…?"

"Hey," Raph asked, tapping a tall red striped alien that stood packing his things into a taxi. "What happened up there?"

"Some morons threw their mattress out the window," he intoned, glaring at the workers and their burden.

"Huh."

"Some people just can't handle this planet," the alien said, shaking his head. He motioned to the driver that he was ready, before getting in and driving off.

"Isn't that the mattress for Mikey's room?" Donnie whispered.

"This is insane," Leo muttered.

"Just chill," Raph whispered. "we'll get to the bottom of this."

"Here's your car, officers."

The three looked over, finding that the young valet was indeed speaking to them and they were indeed being presented with a three wheeled police car. They were speechless for the moment, until Raph said, "Thank you." to the valet.

"What're you doing?" asked Leo.

"Get in the car."

"Raph…"

"Get. In. The. Car," Raph strained. "Keep cool and get in the car." They all got in – Raph and Leo up front, with Donnie and the baby in the back behind a plate glass window with a small speaker on the bottom-and tried their best to not give anything away. Raph started the car and zipped through the streets, their destination the tattoo parlor. "Now," he said. "Isn't this fun?"

"Fun!?" Leo exclaimed. "you call this fun? What part of this is fun to you, exactly? The stolen police car that is in our possession or the stolen baby back there with Don? Or perhaps it's the missing brother that's got you all pumped."

"Can't you see the fun in anything?" Raph asked, exasperated. "Is that stick shoved so far up your ass you can't even see fun when it bites you? Fuck, just let things happen."

"Let things happen!?" the turtle in blue shouted. "Letting things happen is how we lost Mikey!"

"We haven't lost him," Raph responded. "He's probably playing a joke on us. Probably realized you weren't having any fun and 'disappeared' on his own and we're just doing one big goose chase."

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You worry too fucking much, you know that?"

"How can I forget when you remind me all the time?"

"Don't worry, Isaac," Donnie cooed, tickling the baby next him. "They're like this all the time. You'll get used to it."

* * *

The Enchanted Dragon, which was a staple in Earthen cities, had only begun on the planet of Onde a year ago. Being the kind of open minded folk that they were, having the chance to expand their business to the far off galaxies seemed like a no brainer. As humans usually didn't live on other planets, this shop was manned entirely by gifted and talented alien species native to this part of the solar system. They had undergone a tough regiment of training in order to call themselves Dragon Handlers, but they were doing very well on a system known as the solor system's Las Vegas.

It was here that three turtles and a baby now sat, each talking to the tattoo artist by the name of Zen as he worked on one of his customers. "Yeah," he grunted. "You were here, though there was four of ya and no baby."

"So there was a fourth turtle with us?" Donnie asked.

"Yeah," the alien replied. "You guys were so ziffed, it was crazy."

"Ziffed?"

"Drunk, high, whatever you guys say in your language." He stopped his work and looked at them. "You ain't from around here are you?"

"Tourists," Raph smirked. "That obvious, huh?"

Zen rolled his eyes and went back to drawing. "It is when you ask to have a tattoo on your dongle."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah," he continued. "Came in here and demanded you wanted a cow riding a tri-something on your dongle. I finally had to convince you to move it your arm instead. It took us like an hour to find out what the blazaar a cow was and when we did, I asked if you meant a steer on a cycle and you were like, 'nah man! I love me cow on a bun with a tri…' whatever."

"So…" Raph asked, a bit confused. "This is your work then?" He showed Zen his arm and the alien nodded, pleased.

"Yeah," he snorted. "Turned out pretty good."

"Yeah…" Raph said, looking at the drawing. "Can I have this removed?"

"Priorities, Raphael," Leo growled. Turning to the alien, he asked, "Is there anything else you can remember about when we were here? Did we say something?"

Zen sighed, wishing these three would take their baby and go. "You mentioned something about a wedding."

"No shit, Sherlock," Raph said, sarcastically. "Our brother's getting married tomorrow."

"No, donkle," Zen sneered. "You were talking about some wedding you just came from, over at the Blue Oyster Cult."

"Isn't that the name of a band?" asked Donnie.

"Donnie." Leo commanded, shutting the turtle up. "What was that place called?"

"Blue Oyster Cult," Raph replied. "You know, the group that did 'Don't Fear the Reaper'?"

Leo glared at both of his brothers. "I'm starting to think Donnie isn't the only one channeling Mikey right now," he said. "Where can we find this place?"

"Up the street a little ways," Zen replied. "Can't miss it. Chick that runs the place is hotter than a Belnar."

"Right."

The three were off, heading down the street as the tattoo artist instructed and easily came across a row of different types of chapels. "Geez," Donnie whispered, in awe as they passed several. "This place_ is_ like Vegas. What was that, the tenth chapel we passed?"

The two in front ignored him, finally spotting the Blue Oyster Cult, which apparently dubbed as a wedding chapel and bar. All three walked in, little Isaac strapped to Donnie's chest, and began looking for some help. A plump gray- blue alien stood at the front of the alter, putting up decorations and the like. "Excuse me, miss?" Donnie called, causing the little alien to turn and smile widely at them.

"Well," she said, sauntering over them. "Back for more, huh?" She gripped Raph, then Donnie in big hugs, then began cooing over Isaac. "You missed me, didn't you?" she continued. Looking Leo up and down appreciatively, she stated, "I have met many a fine specimen in my time, but this guy, this guy right here sure put all the others to rest. Oh! The things you said and did last night, you bad, bad boy!"

"This guy?" Raph asked, jerking a thumb towards Leo.

"Did _you_ miss me?" she purred, rubbing her hands up and down Leo's plastron. "Hmm? Did you miss Sophie?"

While Raph and Donnie were obviously having the time of their lives, giggling next to him like little school girls, Leo was literally mortified to the spot. "Sophie?" Raph choked, before clearing his throat. Oh God, this was like Christmas come early. "You…obviously remember us, but um…maybe you could help us out."

"We don't remember anything from last night," Donnie said.

"You're kidding."

"Nope," Raph said. "Seriously."

"Really?" Sophie asked, a little surprised. "You don't remember anything?"

"Not a God damn thing."

"Huh."

"You don't by change remember if there was another turtle with us, do you?" asked Don.

"The little monkey?"

"Yeah, that sounds like him," Raph responded. "We can't seem to find him."

Sophie looked at each of them, clearly seeing they didn't know her or had any idea what happened the night before. Shrugging her broad shoulders, she said, "Follow me." She lead them to the wedding counter that stood to the left and removed a wedding album before opening it. There, on the first page, gave all the answers they really needed, causing Don's jaw to drop, Leo to gasp in surprise, and Raph to chuckle.

"Well, I'll be damned," he said, turning to look at his brother. "Congratulations on your wedding, Leo."


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: I am so very happy! As you can see, I can upload again! Wooo! Happy Labor Day to everyone lucky to have it off ;)

Here's the next chap for you. A quick note about the OCs I have here (the important ones). I got the inspiration for Sammi's look from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. While she doesn't look like her, her species is modeled after the Cathar race and that of Juhani. Inspiration for Cat Mou came from the comic, the Extinctioners and the race Remalons. While neither character are taken directly from either series, their races gave me the basis of the characters description. Both are used without permission, though if I could, I would certainly ask to use them.

Both can be found with pics on Wikipedia.

Also, to explain some stuff from last chapter - Blue Oyster Cult (for those unfamiliar) is a real rock group, who's most famous song is "Don't Fear the Reaper"; for some their name just came to me as the name of the wedding chapel seemed funny to me, so I had to add it in. I really was so close to having someone say something about a cowbell. In case there was any confusion on the origins of Raph's tattoo - Raph, in his drunken stupor, wanted to get tattooed on his "twig and berries" and he really did want a steer on a motorcycle. Again, the alcohol made him ask for a cow on a tricycle. Again, the whole idea seemed unbearably hilarious to me, so of course I added it. ;)

Cookies at the end for people who get the references during each chapter.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**_This is NOT Happening_**

* * *

This was not happening.

This couldn't be what he thought it was and certainly not what he was looking at.

Because this was not happening.

THIS WAS NOT HAPPENING!

How the hell could this happen!?

Despite his inner voice of calm, well what normally was his inner voice of calm, Leonardo could not deny what was staring up at him – Donatello doing his best to not laugh; Raphael giving up any pretense and chuckling as he flipped through pictures; horrifyingly, the pictures themselves - of four obviously drunk turtles with a strange blue alien woman who had her arms wrapped around Leo's neck.

His…wife…

As Raph flipped through more of the album, the pictures just got worse – he and this mysterious woman posing in the most…inappropriate of poses. "Oh my God!" he wailed.

"Calm down," Raph sputtered, trying to contain his mirth at the whole situation and failing miserably. Out of all of them, Leo was the absolute _last_ person he suspected of getting married on the fly. "Seriously, we can…we can…this can be fixed. But honestly, I don't think I've ever seen you so happy."

"It also means that Mikey was with us," Donnie pointed out, picking the inebriated younger turtle in a picture with all them smiling stupidly for the camera. Looking up at the propriater Sophie, he asked, "Do you remember what time this was?"

"Oh," Sophie thought. "Probably around one in the morning. Don't worry, puddin'," she addressed Leo, who was dispondedly pacing back and forth. "She's a beautiful girl – it doesn't show much in the photos, but she has such a lovely figure, large ample breasts -" This only caused Leo to whimper. "But that's because she just had a baby."

"Hey," Raph perked up. "Problem solved. That explains the baby."

"Oh, Isaac."

"Listen, Sophie," Raph began. While the situation was hilarious beyond belief, he knew he had to take charge here. Leo was obviously not going to help, so Raph decided to step up to the plate. He was all prepared to demand this marriage be annulled; instead he asked, "Could I have copies of these?"

"Raph!"

"There has obviously been…a huge mistake," Donnie interrupted. "We're gonna have to annul this marriage. You…do annulments, right?"

"I do," Sophie nodded. "It breaks my heart to see two young people break up, but oh well. I can't do it with just him though. I need both parties."

"No problem," Raph countered. "She must've left an address or something. What's her name?"

"Cat something," she said. "Hold on, I'll go get the information." Sophie walked into a back room, rummaging around for something.

"Hey," Raph whispered, stopping his agitated brother. "Hey, it's gonna be okay. We'll go see this chick, give back the baby, bring her down here and no one is the wiser. Just chill, bro."

Leo turned his maddened and irritated gaze at his immediate younger brother. "Shh," Raph interrupted before Leo had a chance to say anything. "Don't say anything. You're too angry. Don't worry, big brother. I gots this." He turned, hearing the Sophie woman come back, and was slightly surprised to see her holding a large box.

"What is that?" asked Donnie.

"This is the package you guys ordered," she huffed, dropping the box on the counter. "The memorial package. I got your mugs, hats, t-shirts, and personalized calendars." She pulled out one of the mentioned calendars, showing it to the three. If Leo wasn't agitated before, his levels hit the roof. The front picture on the calendar – and by default, everything else apparently – was of him and this mysterious Cat person, smiling happily as though they had known and been in love with each other their whole lives.

"Um…" Donnie began, looking at the load of merchandise they had now acquired. "Who…" he was stopped by Raph's guffaw at one of the pictures in the calendar – a saucy pose which you would find on the cover of a cheap romance novel – and quickly ignored him and his fuming eldest brother. "Who exactly…paid…for this?"

"The little monkey," she replied. "The one in orange."

"Mikey paid for this?" Leo choked.

"Of course he did," Raph snickered. "I wouldn't put it past him."

Two of three turtles thanked Sophie for her time and information, heading out the door and to their stolen police car. "I can't help but wonder what happened to the car that Mr. Mortu leant us," Donnie replied, bouncing little Isaac in the carrier on his plastron.

"Good question," the turtle in red muttered. "I'm sure he'd like you to return it to him when we come back."

"Any ideas what to do now?" the brainy turtle asked.

"Simple," Leo said. "We throw all this stuff into the trunk and set the whole thing on fire."

Both of his brothers looked at him in surprise and shock.

"Who are you?" asked Raph, incredulously.

"I don't know, Raph," Leo replied, sarcastically. "I don't know. Apparently, I'm someone who steals police cars, kidnaps babies, and marries complete strangers off the street!"

"Will you just…"

"If you tell me to calm down one more time…"

"Hey guys," Donnie replied, diplomatically. "Let's not fight. You're making Isaac upset."

Leo whirled and turned his vengeance on his younger brother. "It's not our baby!"

"Yeah, Donnie," Raph said. "It's Leo's _wife's_ baby."

"Doesn't that make him our nephew?"

"Are you serious!?" Leo exploded. "How the hell can the two of you be so blasé about this? Do you have any idea what kind of trouble we could be in?"

"Okay, firstly," Raph replied, opening the truck and placing their box inside and closing it. "It's not the end of the world. Ah -" he said, stopping whatever argument Leo was going to say. "Yes, things are pretty crazy right now, but it's not the end of the world. We found who's baby Isaac is and we're gonna return him. We'll find your wife, bring her back, and you won't be married anymore. All that's left is to find Mikey, who again, is probably having the best laugh ever because we're chasing him down and you're freaking out about it."

"No worries, Leo," Donnie replied, patting his brother on the shoulder. "Raph's right, he must be on a roll today. I know you're worried about Mikey and everything seems too weird to be real, but come on. When have we ever done anything without attracting trouble?" The brainy turtle patted his brother one last time before taking a seat in front next to Raph, leaving Leo to sit in back with Isaac.

The elder turtle knew he was probably on the verge of a massive panic attack, but he couldn't help it! Their _brother_ was missing! There was a bear in their hotel room! And now, he just discovered he had married a woman…alien, he didn't even know! Added to the fact that _none_ of them could remember _one damn thing_! The ringing of his shell cell caused all three to jump.

"Is it Mike?" Raph asked, a hopeful look on his face.

Leo quickly grabbed it and looked at the caller ID and he immediately deflated. "It's April."

"Don't answer it."

"I have to!" the elder insisted. "She's called twice already!" Leo flipped his phone open, ever grateful that he usually kept the option for face to face interactions off. "April! Hey, how's it going?"

"Hey," replied the red-head. "I was starting to get worried. I've tried calling you guys several times now."

"Yeah," the turtle chuckled. "The reception here is…is…kinda off a little. And…you know, all the yelling and screaming and…happiness for winning can be a little loud."

"Gotcha," she giggled. "Have you guys won anything yet?"

"Uh…" Leo stammered. "No. We've…actually lost…a lot…"

As Leo spoke, a hover car came flying into the parking lot they sat in, causing both Raph and Donnie to look behind them. "The hell?" the turtle in red murmured, watching as two very large aliens got of the car, each carrying either a pipe or a bat. And they were headed in their direction.

"This…can't be good," Donnie whispered, as the two approached. The heavier one, though it was hard to tell the difference, pointed his pipe at Raph.

"Get out of the car!"

"Hey listen, man," Raph said, keeping his anger in check. Just who the hell were these guys? "I think you got the wrong car."

"Get outta the furbar car!" the other yelled.

"Hey Leo, what's going on?" asked April, as she heard yelling in the background.

"Uh…" Leo stammered again, watching the odd scene that was transpiring in front. "Nothing. Just…you know…random yelling from…random people…winning…randomly."

All three were surprised when the first alien swung his weapon, impacting the windshield and cracking it. "Where is he?" he yelled.

"What the fuck, man!?" Raph exclaimed.

"I think we're looking for the same guy!" Donnie shouted.

The second alien also slammed his weapon against the car, this time on Donnie's side, causing a host of problems. Isaac started crying, Raph started shouting obscenities, Donnie started pleading, Leo felt a little like crying himself. All the commotion called the attention of Sophie, who wondered outside, just as the first alien pulled out what seemed like a large gun to hide on a normal sized person. Donnie turned to Raph.

"Punch it!"

"Leo? What's going on?"

"I gotta call you back!"

Raph wasted no time in gunning the police cruiser, inadvertently knocking into the first alien's arm, causing his aim to go wide, and a blast to swipe Sophie in the arm. "Oh my God, they shot Sophie!" Donnie cried.

"Bastards," the driver muttered, backing their car in a blaze and ramming into the top of the aliens' car. Doing a 180 from the parking lot to the street, Raph did as Donnie instructed and punched it, all with Leo screaming at him to drive. Raph took off, pushing the limit to which their stolen patrol car could go.

All three were shaky and little Isaac was still crying. "It's okay," Leo soothed. "Hey, don't cry. It's okay, everything's going to be okay." He took a breath, happy that Isaac seemed to be calm. He wished he was.

"What the fuck is going on!?" he screeched.

"I dunno," Raph replied.

"Who were those guys?" asked Don.

"I dunno," Raph repeated, clearly shaken. "But I tell you one thing, if Mikey's behind this, I'm gonna kill him."

The ringing of Leo's cell startled them once again and Leo looked at the ID, internally knowing it was April again.

"Why don't you let that go to voicemail?" Raph asked, looking at his older brother through the rearview mirror.

Leo laughed. Sarcastically and panicked, of course.

* * *

The apartment complex they pulled up in wasn't unlike those they had on Earth. A little more high tech, with a small playground that seemed to be whizzing around for the enjoyment of a few small children that were there. Nothing was spoken since their flee from two strange aliens that were apparently out to kill them or more likely, their brother Mikey.

The complex was about five stories, with multiple rooms on each floor. The three turtles and their baby were now headed for the room of the mysterious Hamato Catharina, nee Mou, in order to return her baby and hopefully discover what became of their brother. "You never saw that movie?" asked Donnie, as they went down the walkway. "The one with the three guys and a baby?"

"Shut _up_, Donnie!" Leo exlciamed. "What was that room number again?"

"429," Raph replied. "Should be coming up on it."

As they approached the apartment in question, a blue skinned alien female walked out of, obviously distressed and speaking to someone on a small communicator. When she turned to look their way, her distress turned to elation. "Oh!" she exclaimed to her caller. "I found him! I'll call you back!"

Hanging up, she hurried over to the trio, and taking the baby from Don. "He's with his father!" she said, hugging the young alien to her. "I missed you, sweetie!" Turning to Leo, she purred, "And I missed you." Before the elder turtle could say anything, she kissed him deeply, to the shock and utter delight of his brothers.

"What the heck happened to you guys?"

"We were…kinda gonna ask you the same thing," Raph chuckled.

"I went to go get some pick me ups," the alien giggled. "And when I came back, you guys were gone." She looked at them in concern. "What's wrong? Why're you guys all quiet?"

"We're not quiet," Leo began, looking over his new…family. "We're…we're…"

"We're very hung over," Don jumped in.

The alien giggled, bouncing her son with hand, while trailing her other down Leo's arm before taking his hand. "C'mon," she said, heading towards her apartment, dragging Leo behind her. "I've gotta feed Benji and I'll get you guys something to drink."

Raph and Don followed, though the brainy turtle stopped outside the door. "Did you hear that?" Don whispered, stopping his older brother. "His name's Benji."

"Yeah," Raph nodded. "I thought he looked like a Isaac too."

The turtles entered, each taking a seat on a couch that was situated against a wall. Leo for his part tried to observe this…woman who was now married to him. It certainly wasn't that she wasn't attractive – she was slim and blue in color; two large ears jettisoned from the top of her head, which was covered in shoulder length black hair.

Her eyes were rather large, a hazel in coloring, while her mouth seemed to be beak shaped in comparison. Like the turtles, she had three digits on each of her hands and appeared to have the same number on each of her feet, along with a rather long tail that was wrapped around her leg. Leo likened her to an odd mix of rabbit and bird.

The outfit she wore was simple, but yet didn't do anything to take away the fact that she had obviously regained her figure after the birth of her son.

Though there was still 98% of his being that screamed at the absolute disregard for anything common that dealt with his senses, the eldest turtle had to admit that his new wife was absolutely gorgeous.

"All right," the woman replied, looking at the three turtles with suspicion. "What's going on with you guys?"

Raph chuckled. "Eh…well, Cat was it?"

"Very funny, Raph," she retorted, walking towards them and seating herself in an arm chair closest to her husband.

"We…uh…" the red turtle stammered. "Okay, here it is. You remember our brother, Mike?"

"Sure," she said. "He was one of the best men at our wedding."

"Excellent!" Don replied. "Have you seen him? At all today?"

"We're trying to get a timeline going," Raph mentioned. "We can't seem to remember exact times and the little goofball's been missing all day."

"Well," Cat stated. "The wedding itself was about midnight. I remember cause I had to go and finish my shift at one."

"Did you see him after that?" Don asked.

Cat shook her head. "I finished work and came back to the hotel," she said. "I didn't see Mikey, but the room was completely trashed. I put Ben down and curled up with Leo."

"Oh!" Raph chuckled, seeing the look Cat gave his brother.

"Um…" Leo began, clearing his throat out of nervousness. "You said you had to go…back to finish your shift. What…what exactly do…you do?"

Cat outright laugh. "You know what I do," she giggled. "I'm a waitress in the strip club."

"Hot Rockets?" he asked, remembering the name on the matchbox. Cat nodded, enthusiastically. "Of course."

"That's practical," Donnie supplied.

The easy going conversation suddenly took a turn for the worse, as the door to Cat's apartment burst open with such force, it nearly came off its hinges. Two aliens stood in the door, weapons aimed at those seated on the couch.

"Freeze! Nobody move!"


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Just finished this and decided I'd give this to you. So take that, Rhoda J! I not only give you one new chapter, but two! Ha ha!

Again, note of warning for language. Leo is slowly, but surely losing his mind. And somehow, that amuses me :D Don't worry, the sequel is all Leo-fied!

* * *

**Chapter Five **

**_You Have the Right to Remain Utterly Speechless_**

* * *

The ringing of the phone caught Sammi's attention, causing her to stop reading the book she held in her hand. She had to admit that her future brother-in-law was certainly a genius. She couldn't begin to imagine how one managed to create a phone as diverse as this one. Flipping it open, she couldn't seem to understand or even recall the type of sequence she was seeing, but knowing that Mike was off world gave her the courage to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sammi," responded a voice. "It's Raph."

"Hey," she said, grinning. "Keeping out of trouble I hope?"

Raph looked around at their current surroundings. "Pretty much."

"Where's Mikey?"

"He's right here," the turtle in red said, suspiciously. "Where else would he be? Why? Why do you ask?"

"It's just weird for you to be calling me."

"Oh!" Raph laughed. "Well…well, see, we decided we wouldn't call our girlfriends or wives, so we're calling each others." Even he had to roll his eyes at the lameness of that excuse. "Anyway, I'm calling because…guess what? We…got comp'd another night at the hotel."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he continued. "We…uh…we foiled a robbery. And they were so appreciative, that they gave us another night, for free. So…we're gonna stay and then head back tomorrow."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" the feline creature asked. "The wedding's tomorrow."

"I know," Raph said, quickly. "That's why we're gonna get up all early and stuff. But for now, we're just gonna relax and get all rested and go to bed early and then…you know…be there before the wedding starts. You know?"

"Hamato!" yelled a voice in the background.

"Okay, Sammi, I'll talk to you later, bye!" Raph hurriedly disconnected the call, quite surprised he'd been able to get one at all. Presently he and his brothers were shackled together and crowded around the only communication device in the large Onde prison they had found themselves in only thirty minutes prior.

After the police had stormed Cat Mou's apartment, the three terrapins were handcuffed and lead away, down to the Onde prison, where they were processed due to their legal system. It was probably the most embarssing thing that _any_ of them had experienced in their entire lives.

Leo just hoped their turtle luck continued and he would be struck down by lightening or a falling satellite or something that would put him out of his misery.

The three were lead into what seemed like a normal interrogation room, unhand cuffedunhandcuffed, and told to sit down. Soon, two twin aliens – one grey and the other an off white – strolled into the room and sat down across them. The grey alien began to speak, though it wasn't in any language the others understood. The three looked at each in confusion.

The second alien officer pulled out one of the chairs opposite them. "My partner is quite angry with you boys," it replied, an odd Southern drawl to his voice. "First though, I'd like to welcome you to Onde. Are you boys enjoying your trip?"

"It's…it's good…" Leo stammered. "Thank you."

The grey alien continued his tirade, while not being understood by the three brothers, it was quite clear that he was incredibly and increasingly angry. "My friend here," the other officer replied. "Is quite understandably upset."

"Um…" Donnie began, a bit confused. "About…about…is this about the patrol car we have in our possession?"

That was probably not the right thing to say because both officers looked at each other, then looked at their charges. "Why don't you three tell us what happened last night?"

"Um…" Donnie began. "See…that's, that's the thing officers. We're not…we're not really sure what happened last night."

Again, the officers looked at the terrapins. The grey alien opened a file folder he had brought in. "I take it you boys are here on some sort of pleasure trip?" the other officer asked.

The three nodded. "Yes sir."

Looking at the contents of the folder, both officers looked at the turtles. "At approximately 3:05 Earth time morning," the second officer replied. "Your hover car was found abandoned on one of our local streets. Coincidently, while some of officers were checking things out, our patrol car was stolen. You left a note -" The officer held up a small note.

"Hey," he read. "We couldn't find a meter, so we parked here. This should cover it. Sorry 'bout yer car."

The three brothers looked at each other. This…was not making any sense what so ever. They had known since leaving the hotel that they had stolen a police car, but they didn't realize that they had left their own car at the scene. "Was…was there something wrong with our car?" asked Leo.

"Only that it was out of your propelling liquid."

"Our what?" Raph asked.

"Gas," Donnie answered. "He means the car was out of gas."

"We also discovered all three of you have traces of maa'k tol in your systems," the English speaking alien continued.

"The…whaaa?" asked Raph. "What the hell is that?"

"It's an illegal drug here," the alien replied. "Users like it as it gives them an incredible high. It also has the ability to make those that take it more susceptible to suggestion and some slight memory loss; guys usually use it to make their females more receptive to their advances."

"You mean like Rufinol!?" Don exclaimed.

The grey alien barked out what sounded like a question, which the white alien agreed with. "What is a roof full in?"

"They're called 'roofies'," Raph answered. "On Earth, they're commonly known as 'roofies' or the 'date rape' drug. Punks use it to make a girl…more receptive, like you said."

The two alien officers nodded their understanding, though they each had a look that gave Leo a bad feeling.

"I hope you don't think…" the leader began. "Officers, I assure you that my brothers and I certainly don't engage in this type of behavior on our planet. In fact, we're usually the ones that are out _stopping_ it! I have no idea how any of this is even happening!"

"Excuse me?" Donnie questioned. "You said you found this type of narcotic in _all_ of our systems?"

"Each one of you has traces of it, yes."

"How is that even possible?"

"What?" Raph chuckled. "You saying we were raped last night?"

"Actually…" the English speaking alien began to flip through the folder, reading carefully. The more time he spent not saying a word, the more sweat each turtle began to feel. Out of everything that could have and did happen to them, this would certainly be the worst by far.

"No."

The three each heaved a sigh of relief.

"Listen, officers," Donnie began. "We are…so, so very sorry about your car. You see, we…don't really remember anything of last night, as we mentioned earlier, so we…I…have no idea why we would do such a thing. We're very nice boys."

"We are," Leo agreed. "We…we are very nice young men…turtles, who in the course of a night, have obviously done some very…very stupid things as of late."

"Look," Raph began. "I see the problem here. I take it the car we stole belonged to one of you fine gentlemen. I ain't a cop, but I do my share of bad guy bustin'. If one of my bros got injured, you bet I'd be balls to the wall, you know?"

"What're you saying?" asked the white alien.

"Yeah Raph," Donnie whispered, nervously. "What exactly are you saying?"

"Listen," the red branded turtle said. "We got a wedding to go to tomorrow and we're missing our brother, who just happens to be the groom. The two of you certainly don't need to have it get around that a coupla fuckers from Earth stole your car, right? I'm sure there's something the three of us can do for you, as a public service of course, to make up for taking your car."

The two alien officers looked at each other before the grey one tapped something within the folder. The both smiled and chuckled. "You know," the second officer replied. "I think you have something there, son. Listen, do any of you have any sort of medical problems? Heart condition? Inability to scream loudly?"

The turtles hesitantly shook their heads.

"Excellent."

* * *

Within a few minutes, the three turtles found themselves strapped into an odd looking seat, with helmets on their heads. "This…this doesn't seem to be a good idea," Donnie said, nervously. "What're you think they're gonna do?"

"They said it was to test the seat," Raph said. "It's probably one of the shaker things, you know, just shakes back and forth. Everything will be okay."

"Ready boys?" asked the operator, who stood at the controls, along with the two alien police officers.

"Don't worry."

The walls in front of them suddenly opened, revealing the skyline of the planet, then the floor seemed to withdraw itself as well, allowing the three to see what appeared to be a small model of the city below. Leo then realized they were hundreds, if not thousands, of feet in the air, being suspended by the chair they were currently tied to.

"Happy landings!" the officer shouted, waving at them, as the operator hit a switch or button that released them and suddenly they were falling and screaming.

* * *

"That was bull shit!"

After harrowingly avoiding their death, reaffirming Leo's previous fear of heights, and Don's repeated emptying of his stomach, the three were driven to an impound lot where they had been told their hover car, the one on loan from Mr. Mortu, currently resided.

The entire way there had Raph bitching and complaining about the treatment they had gotten from the Onde police, though it was essentially Raph's own idea that had gotten them dropped from two hundred and fifty feet above the city. And of course, when dealing with Raphael while he was angry, every curse word in the American language would pass his lips. At this point, he was so angry, he had run through the American and English curses before resorting to ones in Japanese.

"Our car is totaled," Leo said, morosely.

"You don't know that," Donnie replied. "I'm sure it's…it's…"

"Totally fucked," the eldest completed.

"Man," the brainy turtle huffed. "You are just the bane of gloom and dread. I used to think Mike and Raph were exaggerating, but God, bro!"

"I'm just stating reality, Donatello."

The three stood, hearing the sound of a hover car coming towards them. "Oh God," Don groaned. "Mr. Mortu is going to kill us."

Remarkably, when the car was brought before them, it looked as though not even a scratch was on it. "It's a miracle," Leo whispered, in awe. "Now maybe something positive will come about this." Thanking the attendant for bringing their car, all three got in and headed back towards their hotel.

Raph drove, despite the motion that only Donnie be behind the wheel. Along the way, Leo and Don searched the car for some sign of their missing brother. "Anything?" Raph asked, glancing in the back where Don was.

"I found some shoes and some clothes."

"Women's clothes?" Leo asked, a bit alarmed. Why in the world would there be women's clothing in their car?

The brainy turtle tried to examine the clothing he held, a loose fitting shirt and some skin tight leather leggings. Unfortunately, the size indicator was in an alien language he couldn't begin to understand. "I'm…not sure," he said, holding the shirt against his plastron. "This is either a very small man's shirt or a woman's. Same with the shoes."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Don."

"I don't think it was suppose ta, Fearless."

"Hey," Donnie said, holding his hand up for quiet. "Do you guys hear that?" The others were silent, straining to hear what it was that Donnie did. Though it was quiet, there definitely was what sounded like banging.

And it was coming from the trunk.

"Oh shit!" Raph exclaimed, turning hard and causing the car to spin into an empty lot on the side of the road. "Mikey's in the trunk!"

The hot headed turtle immediately stopped and turned off the car, all three hopping out and running to the back of the hover car. Leo made a mental sigh of relief. Of all the adventures they had experienced, things seemed to finally be going right. If he got his guess, they obviously played a joke on their younger brother, locking him the trunk.

He hoped the orange branded turtle wouldn't be too upset; likely they had plans on letting him out after a few minutes or maybe within the hour. Unfortunately, if what the alien police said was true, they had been drugged and had completely forgotten to release their brother. But all that was over because they had found Mikey.

All they needed to do was let him out of the trunk, assure that he was all right, and go back to their hotel. Poor Donnie would probably incur the damages, but Leo vowed that not only he, but Raph and Mike would certainly make it up to their gentle brother.

For Raph, he couldn't begin to state just how happy he was to know they had found their brother. While outwardly he appeared to be calm, inside he completely understood where his elder brother was coming from. It would be one thing to lose Mike in their city, but losing him on a foreign planet and then not remembering anything of the previous night was scary at best.

As fun as it had been for that first hour or so, as the day progressed with no signs of their brother and their predicaments only getting worse, Raph was becoming as nervous and panicked as Leo. But now, things were okay. He was thinking along the same lines as the leader – they had obviously been playing a prank on their brother and locked him in the trunk. Easy. Simple. So when they all converged around the back of the car and Don entered in the combination to the trunk, they assumed Mikey would there, yelling and glaring at them.

Well, they knew what happens when you assume.

Instead of an angry or even laughing Michelangelo, none of the turtles were prepared as a small turquoise blurr leaped at them and latched itself onto Leo, who was in its direct path. So stunned at the attack, all Raph and Donnie could do was watch this thing beat their older brother on the shell with some pipe that had been in the trunk with him.

Leonardo, for his part, was trying to get the thing _off_. For some reason, the scenes of 'Alien' and 'Aliens' kept repeating themselves in his head, bringing up the panic that this thing was going to impregnate him with some alien seed, which would in several hours burst forth from his chest. In desperation, the blue banded turtle managed to throw the thing off him.

Obviously not content at being thwarted, the alien was in considerable fight or flight mode. Sensing Raph behind, he thirsted the pipe into the turtle's stomach, causing him to clutch it, leaving him open to be hit behind the head and falling to the ground.

In quick motion, the alien turned, swinging the pipe like Casey Jones would with a golf club, catching Leo in the jaw and landing him flat on his shell. That left Don, who at this point, just wanted the alien to go away. He could see now, the alien was rather small, probably only a foot taller than his own daughter.

The one thing that did catch the turtle's attention was the fact that the alien was apparently naked, though that shouldn't have made a difference; many aliens they had met usually didn't wear clothing. But it seemed on this system, it was a bit of a requirement.

"Hold on!" he tried to reason, backing away at his approaching foe.

The small alien began to speak, though it didn't sound like anything Don had ever heard before and certainly nothing he could clearly understand. "Wait…" Don stumbled. "I…I don't understand what you're saying! You're speaking too fast! Look! Look, hey, listen…we're sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we're sorry…I mean, I am completely sorry that uh…whatever has been done to you that we did…"

The alien squawked again, this time throwing the pipe at Donnie, causing it to hit him in the head and knock him down. With that, the small alien ran off. "What the fuck!?" the brainy turtle exclaimed, holding his head.

"Who the hell was that?" Raph asked. "He was so mean!"

Don leaned against the side of the hover craft, running a hand over his face. "Guys," he started, sighing. "There's something I have to tell you."

"What?" Raph asked.

"I uh…I uh…may have drugged our drinks."

"Say what?"

"You drugged us!?"

"No!" the brainy turtle replied. "Well…sorta."

"You drugged us?" Raph asked, echoing his brother's question.

"I'm sorry!" Don cried. "I wanted to make sure we all had a good time, so when I went down to get drinks, the bartender said that if we drank what he gave me, we were sure to enjoy ourselves."

"Let me get this straight," Leo began, looking at his younger brother. "You picked up drinks from an unknown alien, who said you might enjoy it?"

"I didn't know what was in it!" the turtle exclaimed.

"Roofies, Donnie!" Raph shouted. "There were _roofies_ in it!"

"Do you think I _knew_ that, Raph?" Don asked, sardonically. "He seemed like such a nice guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Leo spat, sarcastically. "You mean the drug dealing bartender wasn't trustworthy?"

"Alright bro," Raph sighed. "Calm down."

"You fucking calm down!" yelled the leader, getting to his feet. "Our brother drugged us! The other one's _missing_! We stole a cop car. I married a whore!"

"Hey!" Don protested. "She's a very nice lady!"

"Will you shut up!?"

"Okay, hey," Raph replied, standing as well. "This isn't helping, Leo. Look, this is a good thing, okay? At least we know we weren't drugged by someone we didn't know."

"Yeah," Leo huffed. "Everything's a good time. I would just like to remind you both that our baby brother is probably in a ditch somewhere and some drugged out alien is butt fucking his corpse."

"That's highly unlikely," Don muttered.

"You!" Leo screamed, lunging for his younger brother, only to be stopped by Raph. "When we get back to the hotel and you go to bed, I'm gonna murder you in your sleep."

"Look," Raph said, patting his older brother on the shell. "This will be punished and it _will_ be punished - " that was said to Donnie. "But now, we gotta get back to the hotel. I'll…make some calls or something, okay? Maybe Mike's shown back up. C'mon, let's get our shit together, alright?"

Raph gave one last pat to his elder brother before heading around to the driver side, leaving his two arguing brothers. Leo had reached the end of his tether, that was for sure. "Hey Leo?" asked Don, holding out a hand. "Little help?"

The elder batted the hand away, growling his obvious displeasure with his younger brother. Opening the door quickly, he heard a hard thunk from behind it and glanced over to see Don, face down and groaning. "Oh!" he said, kneeling down to help his brother. "Oh God, sorry, Donnie. Are you alright?"


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's Chap 6. Language advisory is still in effect and probably will be till the end of the fic. Also some sexual references, but only minimal and nothing too shocking.

Many thanks to my reviewers. In order not to give away anything, let me such say that I do not own the sports athlete that appears here, nor do I own the song in which is played. They are owned by their perspective people. I've made up a little end chapter that explains all references and allusions I've made in this.

* * *

**Chapter Six **

**_The Thriller with Manila_**

* * *

The ride back to their hotel was done in silence, each brother thinking over events of the day. For Donatello, his admitted role in their current predicament weighed heavy on his mind. Of course he knew to never take drugs or drinks from strangers, but at the time, he hadn't thought anything bad would happen. He had just wanted everyone, Leo mostly, to have a good time. It was so rare that the four could be like this, like normal, young adult males out on the town.

While relations between Earth and other planets were growing steadily, the four still practiced staying in the shadows when possible, to avoid those that opposed having non-humans in their midst. They hadn't run into many, but you never knew until you met one. It was only off world, when visiting the Utroms did the turtles have the advantage and privilege of being accepted as they were. Donnie had just wanted to keep that alive, he wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, like they would have if they had been human and walking around in New York.

This was supposed to be an _enjoyable_ trip! They were supposed to get drunk, they were supposed to gamble, they were supposed to watch beautiful alien dancers on a stage – they were supposed to celebrate their baby brother's last day as a bachelor! How the hell they had managed to get into so much trouble in one night was beyond anything his intelligent imagination could begin to think up. And, it was partially his fault.

Pulling up to the curb of their hotel, Don and Raph got out of the car, leaving their older brother sitting in the passenger side. "Hey Raph?" Don whispered. "Leo seems pretty mad at me and with good reason!" He added, as the red banded turtle glared at him. "You don't…you don't think he meant what he said, do you?" he continued. "You know, about murdering me in my sleep?"

"Yeah," Raph replied. "He meant it. He'll do it. And I'm gonna help him, Donnie. I love you, bro, but…I'm afraid we're gonna have to kill you."

Finally, Leo came from the car, looking weary and uneasy. "You alright, bro?" asked Raph. "I'm assuming you took down a lot of booze last night. You normally don't drink, you know, so…"

The leader just waved him off, walking past them and into the hotel. Once again, their journey was quiet, as the trio headed to their room to try and get a call to someone, _anyone_ at this point, to find out where their brother was. Reaching the door, Leo groaned loudly, before turning to his younger brothers. "What about that bear locked in the bathroom?" he asked, causing both to groan as well.

"I keep forgetting about that fucking bear!" Raph exclaimed.

"How the hell did it get in there?" Donnie asked.

Leo shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered, before glaring at the brainy turtle. "Because I don't _remember_."

"For fuck's sakes," Raph hissed. "Let's not hash this again. Look, let's just get inside and try to be as quiet as possible. Who knows if that bear got out or something."

The other two nodded, watching as the red banded turtle used his key to open their hotel room door. Walking in slowly, the three ninjas looked around before the door slammed behind them. Raph turned a hated glaze on Leo, who had been the last one in. The older turtle mouthed an apology and the three continued on. The faint sounds of music could be heard, begging Donnie to ask, "Did we leave the stereo on?"

The three were completely stunned to hear what sounded like some pop song in the background, even though they were fairly sure they hadn't left anything on when they left. As they were peering down the hall to the rooms on the right, a thin black man appeared behind them on the left, scaring them and putting them on the defense. "Who're you?" Donnie asked, shocked.

"Who the hell are you?" asked the man.

"Everyone shut up!" called another voice, this time coming from the living room. "This is my favorite song."

All three terrapins turned and were stunned to see a young, black woman standing in their living room, singing to Chumbawamba's break out song, 'Tubthumping'.

"Laila Ali!?" Raph asked.

There, in their trashed hotel room, with stereo going, was truly Laila Ali, the current Super Middleweight Champion of the world. She was dressed in a tank top and sweats and was singing along to the song being played. "Come on, now!" she said, motioning to the four that watched her. "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down! C'mon, y'all!"

The turtles couldn't help it as they stood before the feminine boxer; she seemed in such good spirits and it was a good, lively song, they were just compelled to sing the chorus along with her. So they did.

That's when she punched Raph dead in the mouth.

"Oh my God!" Donnie exclaimed, rushing over to tend to Raph. The hot headed turtle was knocked out cold and the beginnings of a very bad shiner was developing around his left eye.

"Whoa!" Leo said, looking between the boxer and his brother. "That…that was so uncalled for! Ms. Ali, my brother is such a huge fan of yours and your dads and really, that certainly shows that you have the strength to back it up and…"

"Enough!" said the man as he stood beside Laila. "Is there a reason you have Ms. Ali's bear in your bathroom?"

"That's _your_ bear?" Leo asked.

"You have a pet bear?" questioned Donnie. "How do you get a pet bear?"

"Explain!"

"Look," Leo sighed. "We were drugged last night and on top of the…obvious heavy amounts of drinking we probably did, we have no memory of _anything_! We obviously got in to so much trouble, with so many people, and now our little brother is missing, so if you want to beat us to death, you go right ahead."

"Leo!"

"I don't care anymore."

"My brother," the brainy turtle began. "Is apparently in the midst of having some sort of emotional episode, so I apologize for that and…for obviously stealing your bear. Um…how exactly did you find us?"

"One of you left your jacket in the habitat last night," Ali replied, motioning to her guard to hand over a familiar orange vest.

"That's Mikey's!" Don exclaimed.

"Yeah," the guard replied. "His ID and room key are in the pocket."

"Did…did you see him?" asked Leo.

"If y'all were seen, this shit wouldn't have happened," stated the guard.

"You had better hope he didn't suffer the same fate Christophe did."

"What…what happened to Christophe?"

"Don't worry about Christophe," the guard replied. "He's no longer with us."

"I know this is asking _a lot_," Don said. "But…is it possible for us to maybe, I don't know, check to see if we can find our brother?"

The boxing beauty shrugged. "Sure," she replied.

"Really?"

"How else do you think you're gonna bring the bear back?"

"Excuse me?"

"You brought it here," the guard said, as he and Laila headed towards the door. "You can bring it back. I'll give you, what? Forty five minutes?" Ali nodded.

"Don't make me come back here," the woman growled. She smiled then, saying, "It was a pleasure meeting you." The duo then left, leaving one knocked out turtle and two confused and shocked ones still standing.

"Wow," Donnie whispered.

"Yeah."

"That was Laila Ali!"

"Yeah."

"That was Muhammad Ali's daughter!"

"I know."

"Man," Don sighed in awe. "She had like…a wicked right hook."

"I saw that."

"I mean, c'mon, Leo!" the brainy turtle insisted. "That…that was just…just wow! No one wonder she's 24-0. I mean, she really clocked Raph like nobody's…oh God, Raph!"

That was enough to snap both brothers out of their stupor when they remembered their fallen brother on the floor.

* * *

"This is totally not fair," Don complained. "I don't see why Raph can't do it."

"Because he took a punch from Laila Ali," Leo replied, trying to avoid looking at his immediate younger brother. The three were crowded around the small dining table in their little kitchenette. After reviving the red banded turtle, Don immediately placed an order from room service for a raw steak and a raw piece of fish. The steak now covered the left side of Raph's face and the two were doing everything they could to keep it there.

The raw fish, which Donnie was now handling, was meant for their grizzly friend in the bathroom.

"Well, I don't see why I have to do this."

"Rock, paper, scissors, bro," Raph muttered. "You lost."

"Besides," Leo huffed. "I'm the one that found the damn bear in the first place."

"What the hell, Donnie?" asked Raph. "You're not having a barbeque! Stop marinating the damn fish!"

"It's to make sure whatever the hell knocked us out will knock him out too!"

"Please," Leo sighed. "Let's not argue, okay? We've already discovered that it does no good. Let's just get this over with, so we can take the bear back to Ms. Ali and hope to whatever power there is that Mike is somewhere there, hiding in terror or something. Donnie, go give the bear his meal."

The brainy turtle picked up the fish plate and made his way to the bathroom door. He was _not_ happy about this; in fact, he thought this was somehow his punishment for getting drugged up alcohol. Opening the door slowly, Donnie entered the bathroom with a nervous, but calm air. Animals always smelt fear and if the bear smelt his fear, the turtle could be in trouble.

"Mr. Bear?" he asked, wincing at how his voice cracked. "I got you some din-din. It's fish, cause I know bears like fish." Coming around the corner, Don and the bear were now face to face. "See?" he said, holding up the plate. "It's yummers. It's…uh…"

The bear roared and the turtle screamed, dropping the plate and running out the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. "Well?" Raph asked.

"Now, we wait."

The hot headed turtle growled his displeasure. "I hate waiting!" he huffed. "And this stupid steak is all sticky." He pulled the piece of meat off, causing both his brothers to cringe when they saw his face. "Come on! It ain't that bad!"

The eldest maneuvered the steak back to his brother's eye. "You just keep that there, okay?"

* * *

Thankfully, it only took about twenty minutes for the drugged and alcoholic fish to bring the bear down. Using a wheeled luggage carrier, the three loaded the beast on to it and began to make their way to the car. Again, they managed to get to their car and load the bear in the backseat.

With the bear in the back, the three turtles squeezed in the front and Don was then able to fulfill his driving duties by taking the wheel. Because he had been entrusted with the vehicle, Don was aware of most of the features, including the GPS device that showed him the solar system as a whole before he locked in on their position and that of Laila Ali.

"What do you think she's doing here?" he asked, once their destination was set and they were on their way.

"She?" asked Leo.

"Laila Ali," the brainy turtle corrected. "Why do you think she's on Onde? And why would she bring her bear?'

"I don't know, Donnie," the leader replied. "Who knows? She could be visiting; it's not unheard of that humans have decided to branch out to other worlds since the introduction of the Utroms."

"I guess that's true."

"Maybe she's on vacation," Raph supplied. "She ain't gonna get swamped by fans and stuff if they don't know where she is. And you know…"

Whatever Raph planned on saying was interrupted by a deep growl that for once, wasn't coming from the hot head. The bear had apparently awoken and he did not seem to be happy to be in the back seat of a moving vehicle.

The bad thing about this was the fact that, as a hover car, the turtles and their guest were about fifty feet in the air, in the middle of a steady traffic of flyable cars. Donnie, though, was from New York, so he was used to driving in hectic traffic.

This would prove to be a good thing, as Don maneuvered the car to the ground, merging like a pro through the street traffic. The bear growled again, this time swiping at the first person he saw, who unfortunately was the driver. Said driver swerved to avoid the attack, managing to side swipe a passing car.

Panic was rare for the turtles; they had been taught since birth to control their emotions – though that seemed to fall on deaf ears regarding Raph – and use fear as a positive enforcement in whatever situation they encountered.

In the past twenty-four hours, all that their father and teacher had taught them seemed to have completely disappeared from their consciousness. That had to be true because they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place had they been thinking clearly, which of course, they weren't.

In this instance, panic overrode common sense. Where the three should have been calm, they panicked, causing Donnie to stop in the middle of the road. The three immediately scrambled out of the car, their grizzly friend roaring in anger and swiping at what he could.

Their car, which had managed to survive the previous night's 'activities', was now being torn apart by a bear in the back seat.

Could this get any worse?

* * *

Raphael was not a happy camper.

He hadn't said it out loud and he certainly wasn't going to mention it, but he was going crazy. In all of his years of drinking – and that was only about three – he could count the number of times he had a complete blackout on one finger and that was Mike's twenty-first. He and Casey had been trading beers back and forth since he was eighteen and that was only when Case was by himself and only if Raph stayed. The vigilante treated him like a little brother and he wasn't about to let the turtle get into trouble or mayhem because he had given him a beer before he was legal.

However, Raph knew both April and Casey let them slide at times. It was April who gave Donnie that glass of champagne at their wedding and even Master Splinter had allowed the four to _one drink each,_ as it was a special occasion. Okay, so they had a little more than a drink – Raph wasn't actually sure how many he actually had, but he did remember he had gotten one or three for his older brother and one for Donnie. Maybe.. And Mike had one…or two…possibly – the point was, Raph had never been this drunk.

While he had tried to reassure Don that he and Leo weren't _really_ going to kill him – yet – even he couldn't believe his younger brother – the fairly responsible one after Leo – had just taken a bottle of alcohol from someone he didn't know on the basis that things would be all good. He wasn't as hard on him as Leo was though cause the red banded turtle understood. He just wanted everyone to have a good time. Raph would probably have done the same thing if it meant Leo could unwind for five minutes.

It was shame he couldn't remember his big brother's shot gun wedding. It actually made him wonder if Leo and Cat had…consummated their union.

While that thought did being a bit of glee to an otherwise not cool situation, Raph did feel a bit sad about it. As an older brother, you bet he was teasing Donnie over his first time and he himself got no peace from Mike after he admitted he had been with Angel for his. Raph and Donnie had planned on getting their baby brother to spill on whether or not he and Sammi had been together yet, though they were pretty sure they had.

They couldn't really do that with Leo.

The red banded turtle knew Leo, being the private guy that he was, wouldn't spill even if asked, but their current situation provided no form of joy. They were young males, yes, but they had been raised to cherish any romantic relationship they may embark on. Raph loved women, that was definitely true, especially now that they didn't have to settle for whatever they could get. While he and Mikey never had issues with flirting with the opposite sex, Leo and Donnie were much more reserved.

The hot head could imagine how Leo would take it, learning he had given it up to some waitress he met and married on some seedy planet. It would seriously give his older brother a complex, he knew that for sure. The _really_ sad thing was, he meant what he said while looking at those pictures.

He had never seen his brother so happy.

For now, Raph kept his mind on getting this death car up the driveway to a nice, out of the way bungalow that stood before him. The GPS was blinking and telling him they had arrived at their destination, which was just great, because the turtle didn't think he had ever walked so many miles in his life.

That training really was coming in handy.

Realizing there was no way their friend the bear would let them get back in the car, the three turtles had no choice but to push their hover car to Laila Ali's off world home. Raph loved Laila Ali, just as he loved her father, loved Sugar Ray Leonard, George Foreman, and every other boxing legend, but if this woman didn't take her stupid bear out of their car, there were going to be words.

Raph had never and would never hit a woman, but in this case – just this once – the hot head could make the exception, cause Laila could and probably would again, knock the shit out of him. Thank heavens he got feeling back on the left side of his face.

Seventeen point nine miles later, the three turtles were knocking on the door, in better shape than they looked. Donnie's neck, where the bear had swiped him, had luckily stopped bleeding and the brainy turtle assured them he wasn't going to die.

The bodyguard from earlier met them at the door, obviously a bit annoyed. "You're late," he said.

That was exactly the wrong thing to say, to Raph at least. "Man, fuck off," he sighed. "We had to push the car here cause your bear nearly killed us."

If the man was going to retort, he didn't, only glared at the three. Both Leo and Don kept their mouths closed, but both were inwardly cringing, thinking the temperamental turtle had just cost them information about Mikey. Instead, the man stepped back and motioned them inside.

"Laila's got something to show you."

The three were lead inside and into a lush living room, where Laila sat with a remote in her hand. "We checked out the security tapes," she said. "If you're interested."

"Yes, of course," Donnie said, while his brothers nodded.

"Have a seat."

The boxer hit the play button and on her large 50 inch television, the group saw the security feed. Though in color, it was still a bit grainy if because of the night. But relief went through the terrapins as they immediately recognized Mikey as all four seemed to stumble through the backyard.

"Mikey!"

"That's our brother," Leo replied, smiling.

"Shut up and watch."

"Yes ma'am."

How the four managed to even find the bungalow was a mystery, but being trained as ninjas, they obviously didn't have an issue getting in to the backyard. There was a small, but rather elaborate fountain that all four congregated at.

The drunken Donatello was seen easily as he climbed up on the side of the fountain and began urinating in it, causing the brainy turtle's eyes to widen in embarrassment, while his older brothers glared at him.

"Really Donnie?" Leo asked. "Really?"

Donnie could only stammer out what sounded like an apology before saying, "I should probably wait outside."

"That's a good idea," Laila seconded.

"Yeah." Don scrambled to his feet and out of the room, with the guard telling him not to touch anything.

"I am terribly sorry for my brother," Leo lamented. "He is usually _much_ more considerate of other people's things. He's a very nice boy, we're all very nice boys, really."

Ali said nothing, only turned their attention back to the video. By now, the four had somehow found and retrieved the medium sized brown bear and were leading him across the lawn. Switching cameras showed them stumbling towards the stolen police car. "Where did you get a police cruiser?" she asked.

"We stole it from these hick cops," Raph boasted. "Then we left them our car, which was out of gas."

While the boxer tried to look stern or even appalled by the admission, she couldn't stop herself from a small chuckle.

"That," Leo began, in regards to her bear. "Is quite a remarkable animal. I don't think I have ever seen a more beautiful, strong, and regal…crea…"

The leader trailed off as his attention was once more brought back to the video feed. In this scene, the four had managed to lead the bear back to their stolen police car. However, as they were loading it within the backseat, drunken Leonardo thought it would be funny to pantomime the _more ferarum_ sexual position, otherwise known as the 'doggy' position, on the back end of the bear.

Raph hid a low groan behind his hand, as Laila Ali looked at the turtle in blue. "Do you do shit like this on your planet?"

"No!" Leo exclaimed. "We most certainly do not! We're very good boys, I can't stress that fact enough."

"That's the end of the tape," the boxer sighed.

"Thanks a mill," Raph replied. "This has been really, really helpful, you know? Now we know our brother was with us around 3:30 this morning."

"Again," Leo said. "I am…_so_ very sorry for breaking in here like that and stealing the…and I am utterly sorry for…for humping…your bear…"

"Look," Laila said. "We all do some dumb things when we've been drinking."

After repeated apologies, the three turtle brothers left and headed back into the night life of Onde. They were tired and stressed and highly humiliated, but they at least felt a bit closer at their disjointed timeline. This time Leo took the wheel, just wanting to concentrate on driving them back to their hotel, which seemed to be the only safe haven they had at the moment.

"I think…" Raph began. "I think we need to call April."

"Halleluiah," Leo muttered. "Finally something that makes sense."

"We need to call April and…just," the red banded turtle sighed. "I dunno. Maybe she's heard from Mikey or something, I dunno. We just need to tell her everything."

Leo stopped at a traffic light, turning partially to his brother that sat in the passenger seat. "Well," he chuckled. "We…we don't need to tell her _everything_. In fact, anything involving me, we'll…just leave out. We don't…need to mention that I married a stripper…with a baby."

"Technically," Donnie chimed in from the back. "She's a waitress that works in a strip club."

Leo glared at his younger brother through the rearview mirror. "Thanks for that, Don," he said sarcastically. "I'll be sure to casually mention to Master Splinter that it was _you_ that put us in that predicament in the first place."

"You do that then," the brainy turtle huffed, crossing his arms. "I'll just _casually_ mention you fucked a bear."

Leo spun around in his seat, finger pointed at his younger brother. This was just ridiculous! "Cut it out!" Raph exclaimed, breaking up whatever fight was about to happen. He just could not deal with Leo's high and mighty, prissy attitude and he certainly couldn't handle Don's spitefulness either. "We gotta get our shit together, damn it! God, you're making me wish I was where ever the fuck Mike is right now. You're both driving me nuts! Now chill the _fuck_ out. Alright?

"We don't have _time_ for this shit," he continued. "Look, we'll go back to the hotel; we'll call April and we will try our best to explain the nightmare we're in, alright? I won't mention your fucking marriage -" he turned his anger on to Donnie. "And I _certainly_ won't mention your fucking drug dealing ass. We will calmly and rationally tell her this whole trip's been fucked…"

The accident happened so fast, that when it was over, no one was exactly sure what happened. But after asking on everyone's well being, Leo realized they were not where they should be. Instead of hovering at a stop light, they were now in between a pole and another, larger hover car. The car that hit them only backed up an inch, allowing the turtles' car to fall hard to the ground below them.

The hover car that Mr. Mortu had loaned them, which had made it through their previous night's adventures and what had sustained only minor damage due to having a bear in the backseat, was now seriously wrecked. Both sides were battered, though Raph and Donnie sustained more damage on their sides.

However, all three turtles appeared to be all right.

The night was silent, as all occupants took a moment to calm themselves. It was only then that the larger car pulled away more and they could see someone getting out and approaching theirs.

Don was thankful for that, seeing that the driver or passenger was coming to aid them. That is until he actually saw the person. "Isn't that the guy we had locked in the trunk?" he asked.

Leo eyes also took on a surprised look, as the other occupants left the car and came towards them as well. "Aren't those the guys that came after us at Sophie's?"

If there was ever a time for Raph to panic, it was now. "Bros," he whispered. "I think this shit just got real."


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey everyone! Here is, of course, the next chap. I hadn't planned on ending it the way it is now, but decided that the next chapter would make more sense if it was together. For those of you that have seen the movie, "The Hangover", you'll know what the next part will be; those that haven't seen the movie, I'll explain next chap, but just know that I wanted to do more in depth look at what will go down.

I'm also going on the apparent universal bandwagon that Leo's feelings for Karai were more than respect (something I thought striking in "Exodus", "Prodigal Son", and "Enter the Dragon") If anyone wondered why Leo's making such a big deal out of getting married, this will hopefully be your answer.

DISCLAIMER: Just cause I haven't done it in a while. TMNT & their characters are properties of Laird, Eastman, and Mirage Studios; the movie The Hangover and the resemblance to plot situation and characters are property of Warner Bros and Legendary Pictures. The character of Cat Mou is copyrighted to WebMistressGina' however, her appearance and racial aspects are properties of the remalon species, which is a part of the web comic, The Extinctioners, which is the property of Shawntae Howard and Vision Comics.

No money is being made from this publication (though dear God, I wish it was!). The use of characters, settings, and plot are purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

**Chapter Seven **

**_The Mysterious Mr. Gop_**

* * *

New Yorkers have, occasionally, been known as the toughest citizens in the world. They have been portrayed as knowing exactly what's going on and handling it with the same toughness they handle rush hour traffic. For three local terrapins, they were far from New York, but that toughness still prevailed. They were ninjas, after all, having been taught the art of ninjitsu since the time they could walk.

In all of their encounters with aliens, alien hunters, government officials, street punks, and even evil ninjas, the three turtle creatures, along with their brother, were usually composed and handled any given situation with the same sense they would as natural New Yorkers. There had never been a situation that they couldn't handle, even if it meant their lives were on the line.

The situation they found themselves in was like nothing they had ever experienced before.

If a situation ever arises where three aliens surround your car, do not get out of said car.

If made to leave said car, by say rather forceful means, remain calm and address those that seem to have an issue with you in the most professional and friendly manner possible. Do not antagonize the aliens.

"What the fuck, man!?"

If ever in a situation where, 1. Aliens surround and or crash your car, 2. Said aliens ask you, rather roughly, to step out of the car, and 3. You have a rather angry red banded turtle _in_ the car, the best way to handle the situation is to, again keep all participants calm and do not, under any circumstances, let the red banded turtle continue to speak rudely to said aliens.

If ever you find yourself in the situation that three young adult mutant ninja turtles found themselves in, the best course of action, if you have completely ignored the above, is to – if at all possible – avoid the series of events that unfolded below.

The small alien, with whom the three had encountered earlier in the day when he jumped out of their car's trunk, now stood before, looking outwardly calm, but seething inside. The two burly aliens, who again had been previously met within the day, had been the ones who had so graciously kind as to pull all three turtles from their mashed up car. The alien began to squeek in his strange language, causing confusion for those that didn't understand.

"What…what he say?" Leo asked.

"He wants his bag back," replied the heavier set alien. The small alien threw a small duffel on the ground, one that surprisingly looked like one of Donnie's tech bags. "You've stolen from the wrong guy."

"Wait a minute," Raph said. "We stole from you?"

"Look," Leo began. "We have _no_ memory of last night, so help us help you."

"Well, apparently, you all met at a roulette table last night," the second alien bodyguard replied. Pointing to Leo, he continued with, "You were racking up some big dough; you hit just under one hundred twenty-five thousand Earth dollars."

"One hundred twenty-five G's?" Raph asked, surprised. Turning to look at his older brother, he said, "Good job, man!"

The small alien began 'speaking' again, before turning to the heavier alien to translate. "You all walked out and when the boss picked up his bag," the alien said. "It was empty except for some random bits and pieces of nothing." TO prove his point, the alien stepped on the bag, the sound of breaking pieces clear in the air, causing Donnie to shriek in dismay.

"There were transitors in there!" he shouted.

"Look," Raph sighed, rather annoyed at the whole thing. These guys nearly kill them because of a mistaken bag!? "There was obviously a mix-up, okay? It's no big deal."

"No big deal, huh?" the burly alien asked. "Then how come when we came after you for the money, blue boy here kidnaps the boss and throws him in your trunk?"

Both Don and Raph turned to look at Leo. "I did that?"

"You said he was like a little leprechaun," the other bodyguard replied. "And he was going to bring you a bunch of luck." The smaller alien interrupted, clearly irritated. "Then you rubbed his belly."

Whether it was the eventful day they had or if the stress of everything was piling up, they didn't know, but that emission was enough to actually get all three turtles laughing hysterically. The small alien also started to laugh until he said something to his bodyguard. "He says to go fubar yourselves," the burly one replied, causing the three to stop laughing. "If you want to see your friend again, you'd better give us that money."

"Friend?" Donnie asked.

"You have Mike?" Raph asked, reaching for his sais. The small alien gave them a bit of a grin before nodding to the driver. The back window went down and there, in the backseat, was a figure with a black bag over his head.

"Mikey!" The three brothers exclaimed. They wasted no time is getting their weapons in their hands, however, as fast as they were, the driver was a bit faster. Suddenly the turtles found themselves faced with several weapons pointed at them, a number of them popping out from the car itself, plus the two bodyguards who stood before them.

Leo knew a lost battle when he saw one, though he was just as eager to rescue Mikey as his other brothers were. Holding up a hand, he signaled Raph and Don to lower their weapons. There was no way they would be able to get past these big guns in such close proximity. "Release our brother," the leader hissed.

"You're in no shape to make demands, Earther," growled the burly alien.

"Listen," Don replied, diplomatically. " We're very sorry. This is a simple fix; an easy fix. I obviously picked up the wrong bag. We'll just go to the hotel and get it. Hell, we can write you a check."

The small alien smirked a reply. "No check," said the second alien. "Cash only."

Both Leo and Don had to hold back their temperamental brother as he lurched forward. "First light tomorrow," the burly alien said. "You bring our money by the big rock formation in the Cholla Globee desert."

The alien group returned to their car, a struggling Mikey in the back, and drove off, nearly running the turtles down. This was the absolute worst that had happened so far and for Raph, there was only one thing he could say.

"FUCK!"

* * *

The three turtles had quickly rushed back to their hotel and had done a good job of destroying what had already been destroyed. They searched everywhere, every room, every crevice, and there was no signs of a bag other than their luggage. Donnie fought hard to remember why he had brought the bag in the first place and remembered. He had thrown in a couple of circuits with the intention of working on them while gone. He had pretty much figured they would come back to their room, slightly drunk, but happy to have a night out.

He had thought he would wake up rather early, get some coffee, and then get to work. He never imagined that they would spend a whole day not only looking for their brother, but finding out all of the things they had done. He already felt guilty for taking alcohol from a complete stranger, but then to realize that the complete stranger had drugged their drink was the worst. No, actually, the worst was that Donnie should have _known better_. Wasn't he always going on and on about the different effects certain things had on their bodies and systems? He had been hard pressed to get on Raph about his beer drinking with Casey, having no idea what alcohol would do.

If anything, he hoped drinking was the _only_ thing Raph had done; one never knew with the hot head.

And after all those warnings and hypothensises, he turns around and give everyone drugged booze. He was _supposed_ to be the _smart_ one. If his wife ever found out about this…no, if _Master Splinter_ ever found out, the aged rat would have _all_ of their tails. Memories of misbehavior and spankings caused the brainy turtle to wince. While he didn't get into as much trouble as say Mikey or Raph, he certainly remembered the sting of his father's walking stick on his backside.

Sighing as he walked back towards the living area, Don was met by his older brothers who looked exactly how he felt. "I take it no one has found it?" he asked, receiving shakes from both.

"We are so fucked," Raph muttered, throwing himself in a nearby chair.

"Donnie, how much money do you have?" asked Leo.

"On me?" the turtle countered. "Probably twenty bucks."

"Bank?"

"About fifteen thousand."

That clearly wasn't the answer the eldest was hoping for, though he knew that any other amount his younger brother had been devoted to his new family, as well as the spending on their brother's night out here. Leo had no ideas on the situation, in fact, he just wanted to go to his room and hide under the covers until this whole ordeal was over. He just couldn't believe some of the things they had done; no, he couldn't believe the things _he_ had done. There was a reason he didn't drink and the events of the last night were proof enough of that!

Granted, drinking alcohol that was laced with a narcotic was primarily to blame, but he knew drinking without drugs was bad enough. Leo prided himself on his control and he clearly had no control over the situations that had presented themselves during the day. How was he ever going to explain that he, along with Raph and Don, had managed to lose their youngest brother? How could he look Master Splinter in the eye and tell him that as the oldest, he had allowed not only himself, but his younger brothers, to get into the trouble that they found themselves in that night?

How was he going to tell his father that he had gotten married to some waitress in a strip club, who just happened to have a baby?

"What're we going to do?" he asked, more to himself then the room at large.

Raph let out a sigh, leaning back in his chair. He suddenly sat up and began to dig within the confines of the seat. "What the…?" Pulling out a book, the red banded turtle looked at it before looking at his brothers.

"Well?" asked Leo. "What is it?"

"It's a book, Leo." Donnie replied.

"Donnie…"

Raph turned the book so the front cover was shown to both brothers. It was a common book on how to count cards and the systems in which to do so. "No," Leo said, recognizing the look in his immediate brother's eyes. "Absolutely not."

"You don't even know what I'm thinking."

"I don't care," the elder protested. "I don't even want to know how you have that book or where you got it…"

"I found it in the damn chair!"

"In case you have forgotten, Raph," Leo said. "Card counting is _illegal_."

"So is breaking and entering and stealing a police car," Don huffed. "But we've done that already. This…this is actually a pretty good idea."

"Are you listening to yourself?" the leader exclaimed. "I'm not going to mention all the _dishonorable_ things we have done of late, but I sure as hell am not going to do these things while I'm well aware of my actions!"

"Alright, that's it," Raph growled, standing from his seat and walking towards his older brother. "I'm so sick of your holier than thou attitude! You go around lording it over us, as though _Leonardo_ can do no wrong; you got a stick the size of North America shoved up your ass, so fucking far, I'm surprised it hasn't split your brain. You know what I think? I think, for the first time in a _long_ time, you actually experienced fun. Yeah, you might not remember it, but you had fun."

"_I got married_," was the strained reply.

"Yeah," Raph smirked. "You got married to a hot chick who's making a better life for her and her kid by working as a waitress. And that just pisses the fuck outta ya, doesn't it? You don't have to say anything cause I can see it in your eyes, bro. You think she's beneath you, don't you? And you know why? Cause you're still hung up on Karai, even after she's tried killing us and evicting us from our _home_. And just in case you are blind, _she's dating that Chaplin guy! _You need to appreciate what you got and stop pining for someone who doesn't want you."

The silence in the room was palpitable and probably the most uncomfortable Donnie had ever been, no matter how many times he had listened to his older brothers fight. Karai was an unspoken rule, especially when bringing up Leo's feelings regarding the matter. The eldest had never come out and said it outright, never confirmed that at one time or another he may have had feelings for their enemy. It was the same as when discussing a time before they had thought April as a sister and nothing more.

It just wasn't mentioned.

But leave it to Raph to mention it, of course. But, in his defense, Donnie had to agree just a little. While he couldn't actively remember meeting Cat Mou, she did seem to be a very nice person when they had seen her and with the way she had acted towards them meant they had all struck up some drunken friendship. And maybe it was because Don was a father, but he couldn't help admire someone who had to raise a child on their own. He had two children of his own and he knew how tough it was raising them with two parents; ultimately, his decision to work online was a benefit as it meant he could spend time with his children. And being a part of royalty had its advantages as well.

He above anyone knew how Leo felt, seeing his younger brothers married or otherwise in relationships. Raph practically lived with Angel, meaning Leo spent more time with their father or by himself. While the eldest always enjoyed solitude, Don wondered if having just Splinter for company was making him more isolated. April and Casey had a young daughter and were working on a second; Raph was at Angel's more than he was at home; Donnie, though he did come back to the lair once in a while, permanently lived with his wife and children in her lands; and Mikey, well he already had plans to move in with Sammi on the Utrom world.

The eldest would probably never come out and say it, but Donnie could see it in his eyes sometimes, when he had to cancel on him because one of the kids was sick or he wanted to spend time with Dell. The brainy turtle had felt it too, when April and Casey began dating and realization that he would probably never have something like that made itself known with a vengeance.

Snapping himself to the present, Don was surprised when Raph held his book in front of the brainy turtle's face. "How long do you think it'll take you to learn how to count cards?"

"Depends on how long I can get," was his response.

Looking at the nearby clock, Raph said, "It's coming close to seven o'clock. I give you an hour; then we hit the casinos. I think if we straight card gamble for a few hours, we'll be able to get the cash, get some sleep, and meet that guy in the morning."

"Well," Donnie mumbled, reaching for the book and flipping through. "We're going to need a plan for this. We can't just go in and start taking money; that'll put up suspicions right away. And who knows if the dealers are aware of 'card counting'? If they aren't, it'll work in our advantage. It they _are_, that'll be a hurdle. While Leo was wrong earlier in that card counting is illegal – it's not – getting caught does carry significant punishments. And I don't know about you, but my one trip to jail was my _last_ trip to jail."

"Great," Raph said. "You read; me and Leo will think up something."

Though Leo was greatly disturbed at this whole idea, the knowledge that it really _was_ the only thing they could do had some startling clarity. And if what he current youngest brother said was true – that dealers may or may not be aware of Earthen practices – that meant they were already at a disadvantage, as they weren't sure of anything on the planet. When he coupled that with what had transpired in their drunken, drugged out haze, there were a host of problems that might crop up.

"If we're going to do this," he said. "We need to know everything there is about the dealers here. To know that, we'll need someone who's been on the planet for a while." He was remiss in actually thinking what he did, but again, there was really no choice in the matter.

"We're going to need help."


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Many apologies for this being so late. I was trying to work on it and then sometimes just didn't feel in the mood to do so. However, on the good there's only one more chapter and then the epilogue and this will be done. This will be the last 'happy' fic for a bit. Next up is "A Murder in Osaka", which will hopefully entice you mystery fans. Thanks to the readers who've been patiently waiting for this. For you and those that read and enjoyed "Yuku Sue Unmei", there will sequels to both of these. Gonna try my hand at romance. Wish me luck!

Also to the fans of YSU, you'll notice a phrase that Nick used in that fic. And hopefully you may remember who Benji was...

On with the fic!

* * *

**Chapter 8 **

**_Aces Wild_**

* * *

The hour of worth came quickly at hand, as the little hand on the clock hit 7:45pm. In that forty-five minutes, Hamato Donatello had gotten dressed in a nice button down white shirt, black slacks, and jacket, all the while learning the tricky art of card counting. His two older brothers had sat and paced around the room, trying to come up with a plan in which they could easily manipulate the dealer, along with any pit bosses and managers who may be on the lookout.

It was at 7:46pm that their fourth accomplice knocked on the door, leading Donnie, with book in hand, to answer it. On the other side stood Cat Mou, his new sister in law, dressed attractively in a little black dress that suited her unique skin color, as well as her curves. "Wow," Donnie whispered, stepping aside and letting her walk in. Raph was the next to see her, as the two entered into the living area.

"Damn, girl," the red banded turtle whistled. "You clean up good!"

Cat chuckled, blushing slightly. "Thanks," she said. "You boys don't look so bad yourselves." Both turtles smiled at the compliment, though Donnie's was a bit more modest than Raph's knowing smirk. "Where's Leo?"

"He's still getting ready," Raph huffed. "You'd think he was a fifteen year old girl or something. No offense."

The alien woman smirked before rolling her eyes. Though she clearly remembered a different, more embraceable Raph, she could still recall his gruffness and brand of humor. It wasn't as lusty and inappropriate as the men she had to deal with on an hourly basis; his really was based in playfulness and seemed more so with those he was comfortable with or knew very well.

"Why don't I go check on him?" she suggested, turning and heading for the room she knew was Leo's. Donnie made to stop her, but Raph held him back, giving him a look that clearly said he thought Cat should handle whatever it was Raph thought the alien woman should handle. The brainy turtle had a feeling that his immediate older brother was trying to force something that may not happen, but even he thought perhaps their elder brother should try and have _some_ fun while on the planet. And Cat certainly was attractive…

Standing within his personal dressing room, Hamato Leonardo was of two minds. On one hand, was a side of him he so rarely saw – his fun side. That wasn't to say, as Raph would put it, that Leo couldn't have a fun time if it bit him on the tail; it was that he took his role as eldest and future leader of their clan seriously and that meant that sometimes he needed to forgo playtime if it meant he could keep his brother's out of harm's way. And while he wouldn't outwardly admit it, there was a part of the elder turtle that was actually having fun on this trip.

Even with everything that could and did go wrong, Leo couldn't deny that small part of rebelliousness inside of him that was not only shocked, but absolutely thrilled at the trouble they had gotten in to. They had stolen a police car! They had stolen a bear from Laila Ali, the daughter of one of the greatest heavy weight boxing legends in the world! He had gotten married to a babe!

And that's when his fun streak immediately ended and when his overwhelming sense of responsibility reared its ugly head. How in the hell did they manage to do all of these things that people accused them of in one short night? Leo _never_ would condone this type of behavior from his brothers and he most certainly would not be one to do what they did. He just couldn't understand how he could have lost his honor in a short 24 hour period, he just couldn't! And what he ultimately couldn't believe was the fact that he had gotten married! To a complete stranger! He was not the type of person – human, alien, or turtle – who would go out and just marry someone off the streets and yet, within a day on this planet, he had done just that.

But what made it worse, absolutely mind bending, was the notion that Leo was actually attracted to her. How can you be attracted to someone you don't know? That made no sense! Maybe it was the situation he was in; his brothers all had someone and he was left with, well, no one. Oh, he loved Master Splinter, of course he did! But his father was just that; a parent. And while that had served Leonardo for many years, seeing his brothers so happy, so _transformed_ by being involved with their life mates…Leo wanted to be happy for them – and he was! – but he was also selfish.

He wanted that too.

He knew it wouldn't be easy; he had always known that once they all had hit puberty. He hadn't needed Donnie to tell him that the likelihood of a human female dating one of them was slim or the likelihood of actually finding a female turtle was slim to none; he knew that. He could be as much of a realist as Raph was. But Leo had naively believed things could be different, once he met Karai. She never once cowered in fright at the sight of them and while it had been wrong and there was some reluctance, she never turned away their help.

Well…before that night on her father's ship.

After that, Leo had a lot to think about. His family had been willing to throw their lives away, if it meant that the Shredder could never harm another planet or its people ever again. They had been presented with death, directly and in their faces, and it was he – Leonardo – that gave the order to go ahead with it. That whole experience had changed him; he had been weak, naïve, a coward. How many times did Master Splinter tell him to wary of Karai? How many times did his brothers insist that she couldn't be trusted, not completely?

And he had trusted her, several times over.

She had tried to kill them numerous times, she had stabbed him and was responsible for the loss of a piece of his shell, she was responsible for the loss of their home and had nearly killed his family when he had been away…and yet, he still rushed to save her from the true and ultimate Shredder; had been relieved when she had no choice but to join them. And while they held a truce of sorts, Leo knew that if given the chance, Karai would once again turn on him, on them.

And yet, when he would see Donnie and Dell together, hear Raph speaking with Angel, watching Mikey's face when he thought or spoke about Sammi…the turtle's thoughts turned to question if he would ever have that and his mind would land on Karai, wondering if she thought of him as he thought of her.

A knock on the door drew Leo from his thoughts and he beckoned the caller in without thought. He figured it was Donnie, probably wondering what was taking so long. It wasn't even that Leo wasn't dressed, well halfway. He had left his shirt on his bed and had only come in to splash some water on his face. Walking out and heading for the bed, he could feel his brother's eyes on him and knew Donnie was going to ask him what was taking so long.

"Sorry, bro," he mumbled absentmindedly. "My mind just…got away from me and no, there's nothing wrong. I mean, not majorly but…" Letting out a sigh, Leo stopped to run a hand over his face. "Donnie, what the hell are we going to do? No matter what you say, this _is_ illegal and I'm sure there could be other ways of going about this, even if it meant just sicking Raph out to find the guys. I mean, -" the turtle began to pace, simultaneously putting on his shirt and buttoning it.

"This is crazy," he continued. "This whole trip is just out of…of…I don't even know! Our brother has been kidnapped by some alien gangster, Raph has a tattoo, you're missing a tooth and I'm married. I'm _married_, Donnie! To a complete stranger! Who has a child! _A child_! And she's a stripper! Yeah, yeah; a _waitress_ in a strip club, but what's the difference!? I'm sure she's very nice and she seems like it, but…Donnie…" Facing his bed again, Leo was suddenly struck with the most horrible idea.

"Oh God, Donnie," he groaned. "What if we…_consummated_ our marriage? What the hell was I _thinking_!?"

"Well," supplied a voice that was definitely not that of his younger brother. "You were pretty drunk."

Spinning around so fast that he nearly toppled, Leo was met by the face and body of his wife. Usually having an answer when appropriate, for some reason the elder turtle couldn't seem to form any type of sentence. He wasn't sure if it was because he had been ranting about her and other things or if it was because of the way she was dressed. By God, she was beautiful! The thought was so prevalent in his mind, he didn't think he could think of little else. She was gorgeous to his eyes and he felt his heart speed up a little, as well as his blood leaving his brain and heading south.

"Um…" he stumbled, cringing as he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say.

"I just came in to check on you," the woman replied, turning away from him. "We're just waiting on you. Hurry up." She didn't stay to see the look of guilt that passed on her 'husband's' face, instead she kept her head up and walked back to the living area where she had left Donnie and Raph. The elder turtle quickly hurried after her, but it was too late as they both arrived together, his brothers obviously seeing something was going on between them and from the way Raph glared at him, they also knew it hadn't been good.

The four quickly got down to business, feeling the immediate situation needed to be addressed first. They outlined how they would work – Donnie would give various signals, ones that Leo, as his brother and leader, knew by heart and ones that he could direct to Cat without being overt or obvious. As they were already married, Leo and Cat would be portraying a newlywed couple, on the planet for their honeymoon.

It was a simple plan and Don said it had to be; anything more complicated would produce issues that they may not be able to overcome. Lucky for them, having lived and fought together for years, they already had their own set of signals that they could use with each other, the only thing was to include Cat in some of the basics.

Leo, though used to taking the lead, was equally able to let his brothers take charge if it was something more familiar. It had taken some time, of course, but he was finally able to stand back and let his brothers dictate while he followed. This was one of those times, as Donnie obviously knew what he was talking about and with Raph, the two seemed to know exactly how they would be approaching things.

The elder turtle took this moment to subtly watch Cat. He had been considerably reluctant to involve her anymore in this situation. They may be married, but Leo didn't know this woman. What if she was with some alien agency just waiting to get their hands on Earth creatures? What if she was with the alien gangster who had apparently kidnapped their brother? For all they knew, Cat could've been with them as well; what if _she_ had taken the alien's money? He couldn't help the suspicions that passed through him, so when the teaching of this 'art' moved from him and on to her, he decided to watch her.

He had learned much from his previous experiences. He had never fully trusted anyone that wasn't part of his immediate family; that was one thing that both he and Raph shared. It had taken Leo at least a year to trust April and Casey and that was only after the red head had lost so much because of the Shredder coming after him and his family and the fact that Casey let them stay at his grandmother's old farmhouse.

If there was ever a time for their human friends to turn around and never see them again or pretend they had never met four teenage mutant ninja turtles, it was then, after The Shredder and the Foot had thrown him through April's apartment window, before they burned down her apartment building and her store; but not only had April stayed, she still cared for them. As he remembered from the beginning of this nightmare, she had said she would never miss the wedding of her baby brother. For all purposes, she was their sister and Casey was their…adopted step-brother.

And there was something about this Cat Mou that seemed genuine as well. The turtle had been surprised when upon calling her, she seemed panicked. She had said she had gotten some money together to bail them out after they had been arrested, but when she had gone to the station, they had said Leo and his brothers had 'volunteered' for one of their training missions. That had sent her into a panic, because whenever people 'volunteered' for the Onde police force, people rarely came back.

The elder turtle couldn't explain the feeling he got in hearing that. She was worried? For him? For _them_? And she had taken her own money – supposedly – in order to bail them out. In his calling, he had only meant to ask her about the gambling on the planet and if it were possible to win the needed amount; instead, he found himself telling her everything – how the mysterious alien and his henchmen had kidnapped Mikey and was now demanding _one hundred and twenty-five thousand_ dollars, or whatever passed for currency on the planet, for his release. He had felt so…he didn't know, but he found that he was actually pleading with her to help them. And then she said something that had completely floored him.

"_Leo, you're my husband; that makes Mike my brother too. How could you think I wouldn't help to get him back?"_

And she had come true on her word; she and Don were discussing his different cues and he listened as she inputted her own ideas, ones that not only surprised his younger brother, but had him agreeing with her wholeheartedly. In hindsight, she had come on her own free will, had obviously turned down work in order to come and had told them she had quickly arranged for someone to watch her son, just so she could come down and help them.

He'd be lying if her support hadn't lifted his heart, but he couldn't help but be wary. What was in it for her? Always in dealing with Karai, there was always a catch. She never helped them out of the goodness of her heart, well sometimes Leo thought she did, but in reality, having their help suited her needs. He had seen through her once, knowing her honor and loyalty were at odds with each other, but in the end, her loyalty had won out.

Her loyalty had always won out.

Who was Cat loyal to? It seemed to be them, but could it? After all, what mother leaves her child in the care of strangers? Isn't that what she did when they had first found her son? In her defense of course, she had been merely leaving the baby in the possession of her new husband and his brothers. But was that it? Was she looking for a father for her child? And where _was_ the father?

Cat caught his eye, smiling shyly as she went back to her conversation with Donnie. Leo felt the flush to his face and warmness seemed to spread throughout him. What was this woman doing to him? He knew the signs – the ones he had first experienced with Karai, the way she sometimes looked at him. If he was right, that could only mean he was actually getting a crush on Cat…

On a woman he didn't know.

The elder turtle was startled out of his musings as a green arm landed around his shoulders and started to pull him towards the door. "Raph?"

"I have to talk to you for a moment," the red banded turtle whispered, casting a glance behind them. "I don't know what you did or said, but you'd better apologize."

"What?"

"To Cat," Raph continued. "She's a fighter, that one. What she sees in you, I don't know, but it's obviously something that's gotten her hooked."

"She barely knows me."

"She knows enough," the temperamental turtle growled. "Enough to take a chance on an uptight ass like yourself. Whether you believe it or not, Leo, she's obviously attracted to you and I'm starting to think you're attracted to her too."

"You can't be attracted to someone you don't even know!" Leo hissed. "We know _nothing_ about this woman, Raph; what her motives are, where her loyalties lie…nothing! For all we know, she's working for this alien who's got Mikey."

Raph actually chuckled. "Sometimes, bro," he said. "You've got to let your guard down."

"No thanks," the elder huffed. "I did that once and looked how it turned out."

"God damn it, she's not Karai!"

Raph hadn't meant to that say out loud, nor did he mean to say it as loud as he did, but it certainly was enough to bring a tension filled silence back into the room. He was going to say something more, maybe apologize, maybe tell his brother to get his head out of his ass, but in the end, Raph decided he didn't even want to deal with it. While he had never wanted to see Leo unhappy, he wasn't about to waste his time when the turtle didn't seem to _ever_ want to be happy in the first place.

"Are we ready?" he asked instead, turning to look at Donnie, who nodded. He gave Cat a squeeze on her arm, smiling at her before walking towards Raph. "Remember the plan," the red banded turtle said. "Ten minutes and the two of you follow."

"We got it," Leo whispered.

"Hopefully you'll be able to find us pretty quickly," Donnie replied. "We're gonna find a table that has the least amount of people, then when we see you, you'll follow us. Hopefully, no one will see anything is the matter."

"What about us?" Leo asked, gesturing between himself and his brother. "Won't it be a bit odd seeing three turtles together? Won't they get suspicious anyways?"

"No one ever pays much attention to newcomers," Cat interjected. "With planets pretty much no longer restricted to just the region, everyone and anyone comes here. It's not unusual to see the same species, but yet none of them are related." She chuckled. "We had a couple of humans come in once, but they weren't together. One girl thought they were and then shrugged it off, saying all humans looked alike to her."

"Sweet," Raph smirked. "That means we're in the clear."

"Don't let your guard down, Raph."

"Is it dark where ever you are?" Raph huffed. "How you see when you can never manage to lighten up is beyond me."

"Don't," Donnie stated. "An argument now and this is all going to hell in a hand basket. We're already running late, so we'll see you two later." With that, the brainy turtle managed to shuttle his immediate older brother out the door and down the hall, leaving the newlyweds awkwardly standing at the hotel room door.

Leo couldn't help but feel a bit guilty, glancing at his companion from the corner of his eye. Rather he knew her intentions or not, for the time being she was helping them or posing under the guise of help to them; he didn't know and that's what scared him.

"I owe you an apology," he whispered, turning to look at her fully. "For many things actually."

"You don't need to apologize."

"Yes, I do," he said. "You've obviously gone through a lot of trouble just to help us and for that, I want to thank you. There aren't many people we know that would do that just because they could. I also…I'm sorry for what I said…when you were waiting for me…I thought…"

"You thought I was your brother."

Leo nodded. "I…" he struggled to try to right the wrong he had already done. "You have to believe me when I say I…my brothers and I, have never been in this kind of situation before. I can't really give trust easily; my brothers and I are unique where we're from and there are people who wouldn't mind dissecting us."

"Is that what you think about me?" Cat asked. "Other than some silly whore waitress who you married?"

"I've never thought that!" the elder exclaimed, his expression taking on one of hurt when she looked at him. "I don't know what to think," he muttered, leaning heavily against the wall. "It feels like things are just spinning out of my control and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"Sometimes," Cat whispered. "Things just spiral out of hand. The only thing we can do is try to hold on and hope that we don't let go. For now," she rested a hand against his arm. "We have to go and help save your brother." She gave him a small smile when he turned to look at her. "Come on."

She turned to open the door, but was stopped when Leo grabbed her hand. "For the record," he said. "I never thought you were silly waitress and I never and will never think you're a whore." He said it with such sincerity, so truthfully, that she couldn't help but blush. "You look beautiful, by the way," he added, shyly.

Letting go of her hand, he offered her his arm. "Let's go."

* * *

The casino floor was packed that night. They were taking a big chance, gambling in their own hotel's casino, but there was hope that once they got the money, they'd be able to get Mikey back and then leave. Don and Raph were where they said they would be, casually observing a black jack table. Both brothers could tell that this was a new game introduced by someone from Earth or some representative that had gone to Earth.

The dealer seemed to understand the general rules as he explained them to players that were already sat at the table. However, Raph – who enjoy a good night of gambling – could easily see this table could possibly their money maker. For Donnie, who also enjoyed a good game once and a while and who had also been learning the art of counting cards, the probability of winning big at the table held high numbers.

It made sense, for him to be the one to take point on this. He normally ran numbers and statistics through his mind at most hours of the day, so standing at the table now, calculating, adding, subtracting numbers in his mind was easily done. In fact, he felt a little more comfortable at taking out as much money as he did. He knew Dell would probably kill him when he told her – or she found out – but the brainy turtle felt confident that he could easily win his money back, plus the money needed to get their youngest brother back.

With that mindset, Donnie walked up to one of the empty seats and placed down ten thousand dollars. As he sat down and was handed his chip markers, a young couple, probably newlyweds, walked to the other end.

"Are these seats taken?" asked the husband, whose arm was casually slung over his wife's shoulders, while her long blue tail seemed to be wrapped around one of his legs. They seemed like such a stranger pair – he was a green creature to her blue; he seemed much more reserved than his wife, who smiled prettily at the dealer as she took her seat.

The dealer, a medium sized pinkish purple thing with four arms, nodded to the newcomers, his thoughts never concerned with the fact that the husband had a resemblance to the two other green creatures who had placed down their money just moments before. Seeing that the table was somewhat full, he went about shuffling the cards and passing them out, smiling with the knowledge that he would be taking money for these suckers.

* * *

Within twenty minutes of the game, the dealer knew he was in trouble. While he didn't quite see the appeal to this Earth game – it wasn't as exciting as Rumrunner or Bak Gu – it was a 'light weight' game for those people who didn't gamble or didn't know how to gamble. It was good for him, as it meant people spent more when they were losing.

These guys weren't losing.

He may not have been highly intelligent, but the dealer had been a gangster at one time and he knew when people were trying to scam him. He only had a feeling, but he was observant. He was nearly convinced that the newlyweds and the two green creatures were somehow scamming him and his table. He thought he saw the one creature, who had first sat down, signaling the blue woman creature.

The problem was, he wasn't sure. He'd given a heads up to the manager that he thought something screwy was going on. It was a bit hard to do, as it seemed other people at the table were winning too, which of course made it hard to tell which of these people were scamming. And quite frankly, that blue creature was distracting him, smiling at him every time she made a bid. Even the kiss her husband planted on her during the game, may have surprised the green creature seated one seat over, but the dealer thought it was _hot_.

The chick was hot period. He'd seen some of her species before and even the males were attractive, but the girls...oh yeah. He could get a girl like that on his arm, he'd be set alright.

Shaking his head slightly, the dealer got back to the game, noticing the newlyweds were a little chummier than he'd like. From the corner of his eye, he could see the pit boss coming over, meaning at least he could see if he was imaging things or not.

That's when the blue alien woman fell backwards from her seat to the floor. While most at the table were concerned with the woman's well being, no one noticed that one member of their table had slipped away, along with his rather burly cheerleader.

* * *

The four gamblers found themselves back in their hotel room, standing around Donnie, as he counted their money. After he counted the last dollar, the brainy turtle turned to look at the others, smiling brightly. "One hundred and fifty-two dollars," he said, happily, causing the others to shout in happiness.

"That's more than enough to get Mikey back," Raph whooped.

"Not only does it get our brother back," Leo corrected. "But it pays back Donnie for letting us use his money in all this."

"That still leaves us with twelve thousand dollars," Don replied, smiling.

Leo was silent for a time before looking at Cat. "I think that should go to Cat," he said, surprising the young woman.

"What?"

"I think you should take what's left," he said.

Cat chuckled nervously. "Trying to buy your way out of our marriage, Leo?" she joked. It had the opposite affect on the elder turtle however, who looked like she had just kicked him in the tail.

"Is that what you think?" he asked, worriedly. "I'm not! I mean…"

"We couldn't have done this without you," Donnie said, standing up and walking over to the alien, money in hand.

"Yeah," Raph nodded. "You didn't have to help us and you did. Take it so you don't have to work at that dive anymore. 'Sides, now you can spend more time with your kid."

"You guys," she whispered, ducking her head as she felt her cheeks heat up. "I'll take _some_ of the money, like only a quarter."

"Half," Don insisted. Cat shook her head to refuse, but Donnie handed her half of the stack he already had. "Half," he repeated. "It's not charity when it's given as a thank you for a job well done. Lucky for you that fall didn't break your neck. I'm sure we didn't rehearse anything like that."

"Quick thinkin', Kitty Cat," Raph agreed.

The alien shrugged. "The pit boss was getting suspicious," she explained. "You could see it. I didn't want you guys to get caught or worse, wind up back in jail."

"There's a place I never want to see again," Donnie groaned.

The group lapsed into silence, the reality of what was going to happen now hitting their minds like a Mack truck hitting a brick wall. Leo cleared his throat, causing the others to look at him. "I'd…better escort you home," he said.

"I can get a taxi," she retorted.

"Yes," Leo countered. "And probably get mugged if someone should find out how money you have on you. It would be safer to allow me to drive you home."

The alien woman reacted to the gesture with mild indifference, though she thought a fleeting look of hurt cross his face when she said nothing. Despite what this Earth creature may have thought, she wasn't stupid. She knew she would probably never see these three again, no matter how much she may have enjoyed their company, no matter how brief.

She got the feeling that both Raph and Don knew this as well because they both looked sad and resigned, as though they didn't want to see her go either. Sighing, she gave Donnie a hug first, then Raph, only saying "Good luck." before she headed for the door, Leo right behind her.

The ride from the hotel to Cat Mou's apartment complex was done in silence, other than Leo's explanation that she would need to get in through the driver side, as the passenger side door now wouldn't open thanks to the collasion with the mobsters' car. For Leo, he couldn't explain his…actual hurt at Cat's words. Did she really believe that he was trying to buy out of their marriage?

Granted, he wasn't happy about the situation, but it wasn't as though he never wanted to be married period! In an ideal situation, if he had met Cat in normal circumstances, he would consider asking her on a date and then letting things happen, perhaps walking down the aisle.

But this wasn't a normal situation.

Maybe if they had more time, they could sit down and discuss things, but they didn't have time. His brother was missing and was going to be married the next day and they were finally close enough on a lead, they could get their brother and head out of Dodge.

And sadly, it meant that he probably wouldn't see the beautiful blue alien again. But he and his brothers had met tons of aliens over the years; why was this one suddenly so special that not only her words, but her actions seemed to be like a knife twisting in his gut?

Pulling into the parking lot, Leo turned off the hover car and the two occupants just sat in their seats. Finally Leo just couldn't stand it; he needed to find the reason to all of this. "Cat," he said. "Did you…do you really think I suggested giving you the extra money because I wanted out of this marriage?"

The woman shrugged, her head turned to look out the passenger window. "I don't know what to think, Leo," she whispered. "You seem to be a completely different guy sober than you are drunk."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult."

"Take it as you want."

For some reason, that just set the leading turtle off. How dare she! "You didn't possibly believe that I'd stay married to you, did you?" he questioned. "I don't even know you! I'm sure I'm not the first guy who's asked to marry you, if your baby's any indication."

"First, don't ever demean my son like that," she growled, turning an angered gaze at her companion. "Ever. And for your information, no you aren't first drunken moron who's asked me to marry him, but in my idiocy, you are the first that seemed to genuinely care about not getting in my pants. Though, it seems you don't have an interest in getting into anyone's pants."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe there's a reason this Kari or whoever decided to dump you."

"Her name is Karai," he hissed. "And that is a story best left for people who I personally know and trust, which you are not a member of."

"Fine then," she huffed. "If you'll excuse me, I have to relieve a very nice friend who agreed to watch my son on short notice so I could make sure you would be able to save your brother's life."

They stared at one another until Leo lowered his head in shame. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but even if he could chalk it up to stress and confusion, he didn't need to say what he did. Maybe he _was_ too uptight and rigid; maybe he had spent so much time training to be the leader, training to take over in case something ever happened to their father that he just _couldn't_ have fun anymore. He knew his brothers' joked about it, but there were times when Leo wondered where he had gotten to the point where he just couldn't…_be_.

This was a perfect example. He had met a beautiful, kind, and caring woman while on this planet and while he couldn't remember their introduction or little else, this woman had obviously gone through her own hoops to ensure that he'd be able to reunite with his youngest brother again. She was stunning and even after having a child, she continued to work, if only to make a better life for her small family.

This beautiful woman, in some grand fate, had chosen Leo – not Raph or Donnie or Mikey – but him, the stick in the mud, to not only hang around, but marry. And what does he do? He insults her, implies that she must sleep around if she works in a strip club and has a son, that the father has got to be one of those patrons who has asked for her hand…

If anyone had ever done that to April, Leo would've made it quite clear the consequences if they ever said or thought it again.

"Gomen nasai," he whispered. "Moushi wake arimasen."

"That means, 'sorry', right?" she asked.

Leo turned to her slightly. "You understand Japanese?"

"Not much," she said. "The woman who's watch Benji, her husband was Japanese or rather, lived there for a really long time. He was kinda teaching me, you know, because of the belt opening and people from Earth coming here. That's how I got my son's name; _Benjiro_."

"Peaceful," Leo replied, thinking of the meaning behind the name. "To enjoy peace."

"That's what I wanted for him,"

"I said I was sorry," the turtle elaborated. "That there was no excuse for my rude behavior and it has been rude. I wish I could say I wasn't normally paranoid or overly cautious or that I don't worry as much, but that's…pretty much sums me up. I'm usually not so rude though."

"A lot's going on."

"It's no excuse," he persisted. He smirked. "Maybe I should drink more; I'm a lot more entertaining."

"You're entertaining when you're sober."

"I'm a nag when I'm sober."

She chuckled lightly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better," she said. "Nothing happened, between us, I mean."

"You mean, I didn't try to…"

"You were a gentleman," Cat giggled. "A perfectly _drunk_ gentleman, but one none the less. You said you didn't want to ruin our first time together if we couldn't remember and you wanted to remember being with me."

The elder turtle let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. If what Cat said was true, not only did they not have sex together, but he hadn't acted like a horny male turtle on his first time with a girl, which it would've been. "Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"I really do have to get back to my son."

"Right," he nodded, before realizing he would need to get out first in order for her to leave the car. "Right. Sorry."

Standing outside the car, he helped her out, then they just stood looking at each other. "Are you sure you don't want me to walk to your door?" he asked, his eyes on alert, watching for anything out of the ordinary.

She shook her in the negative. "I'll be fine," she whispered. "You can watch me though, make sure I'm okay." He nodded. "Oh," she said, pulling something from her finger and placing it in Leo's hand. "Here's your ring back. I'll go over to the Blue Oyster tomorrow and get annulment papers, that way, if you want I can just send them to you to sign and you just send them back. You won't have to make a return trip."

Leo looked at the ring in his hand and then at the woman before him. He had cried and begged and screamed to get out of this marriage that he couldn't remember and now that the means to do it were it front of him, a wave of sadness seemed to settle over his whole being. It felt as though he were waking from a dream, a good one, just to step back into a reality he wasn't he was happy with anymore.

His mouth seemed to be filled with cotton balls; he managed to croak out a thanks, to which Cat nodded slowly, saying, "You should give it to your girlfriend," she whispered. "I'm sure she deserves it more than me."

"Not my girlfriend," he mumbled, staring at the small gold and silver mix band, as though it could help him in this dilemma. "She hates me and my whole family."

"Well," she shrugged. "Give it to someone you care about then, someone who cares about you the same way you do about them."

He didn't really have an answer for that. He wanted to tell her that he had these lingering feelings for a woman who, when given the chance, would either kill him or turn him over to those that would dissect him. He wanted to tell her that he didn't _have_ anyone that cared about him, not in the sense and meaning that this little gold ring symbolized; that the likelihood of him finding someone the way his brothers had was just a fantasy in his mind.

By the time he had gathered the courage to say any of that, she was walking up the stairs towards her apartment. He watched her go in and speak to a heavy set yellowish-orange alien before the heavier of the two left and Cat walked in, closing the door behind her, leaving Leo to stare confusedly at a small gold silver ring that now rested in his hand.


	10. Chapter 9

* * *

**Chapter 9 **

**_Two Wrongs Don't Make a Mike_**

* * *

The unique signs of the coming day were heralded by the rising of the purple and blue sun that was so normal to see on the planet of Onde. At this sunrise, a battered and beaten hover car made its way down the long and winding road, hoping to reach some place called the Cholla Globe desert.

In this desert, the occupants would hopefully trade the bag of money they had obtained the previous night for the release of their younger brother, whom a small alien gangster had kidnapped while they had been on the planet.

Behind the wheel, Hamato Raphael was hopeful; after everything they had done and gone through on this trip, things were actually looking up, so he thought. They had won more than enough money to barter for their little brother, which was great in a way.

The leftovers he understood had to go to Donnie, after all it was his money they used to rake in the cash they had in the car with them. He also thought it was a nice gesture to give the rest to their extra accomplice, Cat Mou. Casting a side look at his brother in the passenger seat, Raph couldn't help but wonder what happened last night.

His older brother had been quiet since returning from dropping off his new wife at her apartment. It wasn't that Leo didn't have his reflective moods – to his brothers, he _always_ seemed to be in a reflective type of mood – but this was…different somehow. It was rare to see his older brother so seemingly…withdrawn.

If Raph had to guess, he would say that it seemed as though Leo was…sad.

Was he going to miss Cat, too? Certainly his brother realized that they could always come back. Didn't he? Maybe Leo _did_ think she was beneath him in a way and that just served to piss Raph off even more. He didn't understand his brother. He meets a beautiful woman who's interested in him and he can't be bothered.

Sometimes he wondered about his older brother. There had been a time, when they each entered into their own type of 'mating season', if maybe his older brother liked…playing for the other team, so to speak. Not that Raph or the others had any issue with that; he had just been curious that Leo wasn't in line with the rest of them when Donnie discovered the Internet was more than a place to search for technical knowledge.

As they got older, Raph was still confused regarding his brother. You didn't patrol in the city, at night, and not notice girls walking down the street. While he and Mikey may have been overt about stopping and checking girls out, even Donnie had stopped once or twice.

Not Leo. He always acted as though checking out girls was immature and childish, which only sparked his younger brothers' curiosity about him. The thing was, Raph had never seen him check guys out either.

Regardless of who he thought his brother's interests may lie, he just didn't think it normal that Leo didn't just…switch off and live like a normal person. The red banded turtle was just as protective, if not more, than his older brother when it came to protecting their family.

But Raph needed a life too. He needed freedom, the ability to enjoy what he could in life. He knew Mikey and Donnie needed things like that too.

They just didn't understand why Leo _didn't_.

Letting out a small sigh, Raph concentrated on just getting where they needed to go. He had had quite enough fun to last him a lifetime at this point. Spotting that the city now lay behind them as they entered into desert wasteland, the three went in search of the mobsters' car, spotting it a few yards off the road.

Pulling in front of them, Raph turned off the car, watching as the alien's bodyguards got out and stood at the front, before the small alien himself exited the vehicle. "Let's do this," Raph whispered, opening the driver side door and stepping out.

Because of the side impact, both Donnie and Leo had to physically pull themselves out of the car through the windows, which luckily had not been shattered after their 'accident'. The three turtles stood facing their adversaries, no one speaking for a moment.

"We have your money," Leo replied, instinctively taking his position as leader and spokesman. "Give us our brother back."

"Give us the money," said one guard. "And then you'll get your brother."

"Um," Don interrupted. "First off, good morning. I hope you all slept well. My name's Donatello and, I'm sorry, we never caught your name last night."

The small alien got a small smile on his face. "Gop," he said, in a squeaky voice. "Mr. Gop. You've met my associates of course."

"Good morning, Mr. Gop," Don nodded. "And yes, I believe we…did make your…personals' acquaintance. Uh…we have your money, but we'd very much like to see Mikey, to make sure he's alright. If that's cool."

Gop nodded in agreement. "You're right, Donatello," he said. "That would be cool." Turning to the bodyguard on his left, he inclined his head and the large alien went towards the back area of the hover car.

Opening the back door, the large alien pulled a struggling figure from the back and brought him to stand where the others could see him.

The figure had a bag over his head and his hands were tied behind his back, but they could hear muffled muttering from him and the three were happy in knowing that, even gagged, Mikey probably drove these gangsters crazy.

"There," replied Gop. "You've seen him. Now give me my money or I'll kill every single one of you and I'll just take it. Your choice."

"Give him the money, Donnie," Raph said.

The brainy turtle nodded, taking the bag he had in his hand and tossing it to the other bodyguard on Gop's right. The alien caught it, opened it and began to count the money inside. "It's all here, sir," he said.

Gop nodded to the guard that held Mikey and the large alien thrusted the turtle forward, removing the bag.

The excitement at seeing their lost brother should have been the culmination of a good trip gone wrong. They had been searching for him for nearly two days now and it was getting to the point where they wondered if something…bad had actually happened to him. So one could imagine there surprise when they were faced with the being who stood in front of them, the bag finally removed, as well as the gag.

It was not Hamato Michelangelo.

"What the fuck!?" Raph asked, seeing the grey skinned alien that stood before them.

"There he is," Gop said, pointing.

"No, I'm sorry, Mr. Gop," Don answered. "This isn't our brother."

"I told you you had the wrong guy, Tiny," the grey alien spat. Turning to the brainy turtle, he exclaimed, "What the hell, man? What kind of trouble did you get me in?"

If Leo hadn't been mad at Donatello before, he certainly was now. "You _know_ this guy?"

"No…oh!" Donnie cried, pointing at the grey alien. "You're the guy that sold me the drugged drink!"

"Drugged drink?" the alien asked. "What're you talking about?"

"Who the fuck cares!?" Raph shouted. Turning an angry gaze on to Gop and his crew, he growled, "Where's Mikey?"

"I _am_ Mikey," the grey alien replied.

"No way," the brainy turtle chuckled. "You're name's Mikey, too? What an unbelievable coincidence."

"Fuck this shit!" Raph said. "We want our money back. You gave us the wrong Mike!"

"Not my problem."

"Fuck you!" the red banded turtle exclaimed, making a lunge for the small alien, nearly getting punched in the face if Leo hadn't restrained him. "You take this asshole back and give us our money!"

"Hey man," grey Mikey said. "Don't be like that. I'll be your Mikey."

"Shut up!"

"Mr. Gop," Leo implored. "It would be dishonorable for you to take that money knowing you're giving us the wrong person."

Gop seemed to contemplate that for a moment before he looked at the four creatures before you. "I'll think it over," he said. "Right after you suck my alien nut sack."

"That's just wrong," complained grey Mikey, who seemed oblivious to the absolute rage that not only Raph felt, but how his other brothers felt as well.

There was nothing they could truly do, other than to stop their hot headed brother from getting himself, and them, killed. Gop had already proven he didn't care who or what got in his way.

Once again, right as they think they're close, something seemed to stop them from getting where they wanted and needed to be. The ole turtle luck working true to form, as Raph would say.

He of course didn't say that, in all his rage and fury. He just said one thing.

"Fuck!"

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey April. It's me."

"Oh my God!" she screams, literally screams. "Donnie! Where have you been!? We've been trying to call you for hours now!" April waited a beat, her eyes going slightly wide in shock. "Oh my God, are you missing a tooth!?"

On the side of a highway road, three terrapins from Earth and a grey alien named Mikey were stopped, the sole purpose of letting the grey alien relieve himself. In the process, the three turtle brothers had decided to go ahead with their plan of letting their friend and adopted sister know the sad truth.

"Hey, thanks again for giving me a ride back into town," the alien known as Mikey replied, as he walked back to the car where brothers Leonardo and Raphael stayed.

"Tell me sumthin'," Raph asked, glaring at their new friend. "How did you wind up in Gop's clutches in the first place?"

"Cause he thought we were all together," Mikey explained.

"Why?" asked Leo.

"Cause we were all gambling over at the Palisades," came the answer. "Don't you remember?"

"No," Raph growled. "We don't remember because some asshole sold our brother alcohol laced with roofies."

"With who now?"

"Boy, you are the worst drug dealer ever," Leo muttered. "Roofies, in case you really didn't know, if what we call Rufinol on Earth. It's also called the 'date rape' drug, because it makes the person who takes it highly suggestible and then, they don't remember a fucking thing that's happened to them!"

Mikey looked confused for a moment, before a light bulb went off in his head. "Oh no," he groaned. "I must've given your bro the wrong bottle. Geez yo, I'm sorry 'bout that. I had gotten a shipment, you know, right when your bro stopped by. I wasn't sure if he was Fed or not, right, but he was all like, 'I want my bros to enjoy themselves'. So like, I was gunna give him another bottle and…"

Mike stopped mid sentence as he realized his admission wasn't garnering him any friends at the moment. "Anyway," he said. "My friend and I were talking about them, you know? Cause we always try the stuff before we give out, safety and all that. And we tried those roof things and we were like, they're named wrong."

"Do tell," Raph muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Well yeah," Mikey replied. "Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor then the roof, right? You should name them 'floories' or 'groundies' or something."

"Wait," Leo said, "What did you just say?"

"Groundies," repeated Mike.

"No," Leo huffed. "Before that."

"Floories?"

"No!" Leo growled in impatience. "You said you were more likely to end up on the floor than the…"

Donnie had turned off his view screen on his cell in order to talk to April properly. He had completely forgotten about his missing tooth and that of course did nothing to alleviate the panic she was feeling.

"April, listen…" he tried, unsuccessfully, to calm the red head down. For two minutes, she had threatened to get Sammi and then he could explain to _her_ why her fiancée had mysteriously disappeared from his brothers' sight. "No, we don't…hey. Sammi. How are you?"

Yes. They would most certainly be facing their last day on Earth or any planet for that matter. At this point, Don wondered if they could disappear like Mikey did, because he knew the women would find them. Oh, his wife was kind and caring; she also packed one hell of a left hook that, as her husband, he never wanted to be on the receiving end of.

So engrossed in either trying to calm his future sister in law and thinking of his ultimate demise at her hands, Donnie never heard anyone behind him until he was tackled from behind and the phone flew from his hand. He and his attacker hit the ground hard and the brainy turtle could only inwardly roll his eyes.

Of course they'd be mugged or whatever on the side of the road. Of course that would happen.

Leo, for his part, decided that thinking was overrated in this situation and the best thing was just to stop Donnie from continuing whatever story he had told April and that meant taking the phone from him, in any way possible.

Sprawled on the ground, the elder quickly scrambled to grabbed the shell cell. "April!"

"Guess again."

"Sammi?" he asked. He thought Don was talking to April. "Hey! It's Leo."

"Leo," she said. "Talk to me. What the fuck is going on? April said Donnie told her you _lost_ Mikey."

"What?" he chuckled. "No. That Donnie, such a kidder. He's still drunk."

"What the hell is the going on then?" Sammi asked. "The wedding is in five hours."

"No worries," the leader assured her. "We are checking out, as we speak. Mikey is at the breakfast buffet, picking up some food and we are gone. I bet you look stunning. Okay, see you, bye!"

Hanging up, Leo quickly got to his feet with the intention of helping up his fallen brother. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Was the answer he got.

"I know where Mikey is," he informed him, getting a confused look back before the brainy turtle looked towards where their car was. "Not him," Leo huffed. "_Our_ Mikey."

The next few minutes were just a blur of activity, as all four got into their battered hover car and sped down the road, which in itself was odd, seeing as Leo was driving. The leader had suddenly and accidently been reminded of an incident when they were younger by alien Mike's words and in an instant, he knew exactly where Mikey – their brother Mikey – was.

"He's on the roof."

"What?" Donnie asked, confusedly from the backseat.

"Why the hell would he be…Oh my God!" Raph exclaimed, realization also coming to him.

"What are you guys talking about?" grey Mikey wondered. "Why is your brother on the roof?"

"You remember when we first left the hotel?" Leo asked, speaking directly to Donnie. "And we saw Mikey's mattress on the roof?"

"Yeah."

"We assumed someone had thrown it out the window."

"That makes sense," Mikey replied.

"No," Raph said, shaking his head. "That's impossible. Remember, genius? You told me that stunts like that made Vegas board up their windows. You can't open a window in Vegas; it would make sense the same rules would apply here, too."

"So then why…Oh my God!" Mikey had no idea what was going on, but he was getting more confused by it. "He was trying to signal someone to come get him!"

"How do you figure that?" the grey alien asked.

"When we were kids, the three of us pulled this prank on our brother," Leo explained. "We took his mattress, which he was still sleeping on, and set it adrift in the sewer. He woke up like ten minutes later, in the middle of a canal."

"It was hilarious!" Raph added. "Well, you know, until he started crying and screaming. And then our father took his cane to our tails."

"This case would have equally been funny," the elder turtle mentioned. "Except this time, we forgot where we put him."

"You guys are dumb, you know that?"

"You think he's still there?" asked Don.

"I hope so."

* * *

Hamato Michelangelo was not a happy camper.

This was the second time he had awoken from his drunken stupor and this time, he was completely miserable. His memory was hazy, but he did know sometime around sunrise, he had first woken up to find himself on the roof of, what he hoped, was his hotel. Feeling sick to his stomach, he first threw up in what he thought was a bin. He had then with all the might he possessed, propped up his mattress – which he woke upon – near the side, hoping that his idiot brothers – because he knew they were behind this – would see it and come get him.

He had tried the door once and of course found it locked, so being the type of turtle who didn't like being up at the crack ass of dawn, went over to a nearby overhang and passed out.

When he awoke later, it was to his name being called, loudly, around him. Opening his blurred, blue eyes, he was suddenly assaulted by something green and purple. _Donnie_. What was that? Oh, he was asking if he was okay. No, actually. He was not. "No," he slurred, as Don and Leo it looked like, helped him into a standing position. "I'm not okay, man." He thought about it and blinked slowly. "I'm getting married today."

"Yeah," Raph replied. "Yes, you are. And we're gonna need to get a move on, cause we're wasting a little bit of time." Raph then looked at his brother. "You're looking like a tomato, little bro."

Something in Mike seemed to snap. He was getting married today and his brother was making jokes. Maybe it was the adrenaline from being awake, but the orange banded turtle seemed to find the strength to launch himself at his older brother, knocking them both to the ground. That of course, was a very bad idea. Not only did his stomach seem to fall further down to his knees, but apparently sitting all day and night and morning on a roof, facing the sun, caused a bit of skin irritation.

Or in Mikey's case, he caused his skin to burn itself. It felt like he had just jumped through a hoop of flames and hadn't quite made it. So now, while Raph was trying to get his breath back, Mikey lay next to him screaming in agony. He would vaguely recall slapping Donnie away from him and telling Leo to shut up; all he knew at the moment was that he wanted to go home.

"Take me home," he whispered. "Just take me home."


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey everyone! Well, we're near then end. This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I'll also be posting an illusions and themes chapter afterwards, in case the readers missed some of the funny things I put in here. Just want to thank everyone for either reading or putting this as a favorite. I'm glad you're all enjoying the stuff I'm doing and I'm glad you're reading the maddness that comes from my mind to my typing fingers. I'm hoping to have this finished this week and have the next fic, "A Murder in Osaka" up during that time as well. No worries; I will also try and find the time to get the sequels, one untitled that follows the aftermath of Yuku Sue Unmei and the sequel to this, "A Certain Romance" which is the current working title. I try not to have multiple fics up at the same time, but ACR and the YSU sequels have been pushing their way through my mind, so who knows.

Thanks again everyone!

* * *

**Chapter 10 **

**_Get Me to the Church on Time_**

* * *

Panic was a word that the Hamato brothers didn't know the meaning of. In their lives, panicking never did anyone any good. They had been trained early in life to not panic, to not let fear take a hold of them, least they be able to think rationally of what their next course of action was.

Two days ago, the four brothers had come to an outer world planet called Onde for their youngest brother's bachelor party. The trip was to be one of brotherly hi-jinks and a good time for everyone before they would need to be back on Earth and back in Manhattan, New York to once again stop the criminal element. They were only going to spend the night and then head back a day before the wedding to get over the hangovers they knew they would have.

Somehow, their grand scheme didn't work out the way they planned. Thanks to a bad judgment call from a local bartender, the brother Donatello had inadvertently drugged his brothers with the Onde equivalent of the 'date rape' drug. Their fun night had somehow dissolved into one misadventure after another, the culmination being the loss of brother Michelangelo

However, luck always seemed to find them at some point and it was with luck that the three older brothers had found their youngest on the roof, in a foul temper and with a slight sunburn. That was the last lucky thing that happened. In the course of getting their stuff together and trying to make the room look as normal as possible, brother Raphael discovered the transmat device, which had been given to him by Mr. Mortu, had mysteriously disappeared.

And when they _did_ manage to find it, it looked as though an elephant had sat on it. Their first and quickest means of transportation home was now out. But they weren't beat yet. Because of the open solar system now, most planets had transmat devices, able to transport visitors and locals to and from other worlds, though in some cases there were of course restrictions. They still had an ace up their proverbial sleeves.

Unfortunately, the day they needed the hotel's transmat device was the day of not only scheduled maintenance, but the day when a couple other drunken sightseers had taken to smashing the thing. So now, they couldn't even take one from the hotel. And to make matters worse, whatever the drunken pricks had done, apparently had affected the whole planet wide system.

Onde was down for the moment.

At any other time, Donatello would've jumped at the chance to help them fix the system. It would probably only take him a few hours, but in this instance, they didn't _have_ a few hours.

In a few hours, either their brother was going to be married or they might as well go into hiding, because they were dead turtles. Raph was actually thinking of place they could lay low. "What if we drive back?" Leo asked, as the four milled around agitatedly in the front of the hotel. Matters only got worse when they had to use the rest of their fun money to pay for the extensive damage they had done to their room.

"We can't drive back," Raph muttered.

"Why?" the leader asked. Turning to his genius of a brother, he asked, "Could we, Donnie? Do you think Mortu's car would hold up?"

"I don't see why not," the brainy turtle said, slowly. "I mean, those types of car are meant for space travel, on a low scale of course."

"Could we make it back to the Utrom homeworld?"

"We could," Don murmured. "But it will put considerable damage on the exterior."

"Well, the car's fucked up already," Leo said, waving a hand to where they had left their vehicle. "We can make it, I know we can."

The elder turtle didn't know why, but he seemed to have a surge of confidence at the moment. They had faced some serious circumstances before, this trip not withstanding, and they had always managed to come out on top or at least escape with the minimal amount of damage. This trip had shown just how things could get out of control, more importantly, it showed that even as the oldest and leader, there were some things that Leo could _not_ control.

And there were some things that he needed to just happen in a normal course of life. His brothers were all getting on with their lives, they were getting married and having families. It was something that Leo hadn't been entirely comfortable with. He above them all had never liked change; while his brothers fought to find their place in the world that didn't want them, Leo had always liked things to stay the same. It had been the five of them for so long, their family had always been constant.

When they had found April and then met Casey, it was a bit disconcerting for him. After the Foot had found their lair, April's place was the only place they could go. After the Shredder had thrown him through her apartment window, it had been Casey's family farm where they headed. It was just…so many changes. They weren't exactly bad, but it took time for him to see that they were good. April and Casey coming into their lives was a good thing.

It certainly wasn't to say that Leo didn't love his sister in law, nor that he didn't enjoy speaking with Angel, but dating and getting married were huge changes. He was the only way ever home now, along with Master Splinter. It was different, felt so different without the constant sounds of Raph working out, Donnie tinkering away at something, or Mikey watching TV or playing video games. He had always wanted peace and quiet, but now he had so much of it.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even realize where he was driving until he saw the familiar technology playground up in front of him. Leo wasn't sure why he was driving past here, but something pulled at him to stop, if just for a moment. This was a situation he could control, at least at the outset, but if he made the decision he was thinking, he wouldn't be able to control the outcome. It would have to take its own course – if it didn't work, he could move on and know that he had at least taken the chance.

If it work however…Leo would again have to expect change nad it was a change that actually scared him. This would affect everything; it was one thing for his brothers, but he was the eldest, the leader. He couldn't afford any distractions. But…his brothers didn't seem distracted. They always made it to morning practice and unless it was an emergency, he could always count on them for training runs.

He was pulling into the parking lot before he could truly think about it, as though his body was continuing on despite whatever thoughts he had in his head. "Leo?" Don asked, looking around at their surroundings. "Why'd you stop?"

Without thinking about it, Leo quickly said, "I'll be right back," before hoping out of the car and heading for the stairs. If there was one thing Leo did, it was follow through on something. He wasn't one to put anything off; a teaching from Master Splinter began to ring in his head, when it came to decision one had to make. The aged ninja master had spoken this lesson to him right after they had met April and again when they met Casey. It was a point that he had tried to drive home when discussing Karai and the Foot. Leo could spend all his time making pro and con lists in his head, but the ultimate point came from only one thing.

Trust your gut.

As former animals turned into mutant humanoid creatures, there were still things that remained from their time as actual turtles or an actual rat; _their instincts_. Their instincts were more in tune than those of normal humans and added with their ninjitsu training, their instincts had rarely proved them wrong. Leo was going on pure instinct now, as he stopped in front of the door and knocked. Suddenly, his nerves were heightened and he began to think this was a bad idea. Who knew what could happen if he continued to pursue this? He still wasn't sure about this; he never went into anything he didn't have experience with, especially not without a plan and he definately didn't have a plan here.

When the door opened, he almost took off in fright and nervousness; instead he said, "Hi."

"Hi," Cat chuckled. "What're you doing here?"

"I uh…" he stammered. "I'm not sure, actually. A part of it was to apologise. Again."

"You don't have to apologize," she said. "You've already done it. Twice, I think."

"Oh yeah."

"Listen," she replied. "I'm not holding anything against you; we all do stupid things when we're drunk. I mean, you did pull out your own brother's tooth."

Leo looked at her in confusion. "I…I did what?" he asked. "I pulled out Donnie's tooth? Why did I pull out Donnie's tooth?"

"It was after you proposed," Cat explained. "Raph said you weren't as fearless as you pretended to be because right afterwards, you tried to take it back. Both he and Donnie called you a chicken shit and said you were too uptight, so Mikey bet if you did something so outrageous, he would not only buy the ring, he'd pay for the wedding. That's when you punched Donnie and pulled out his tooth."

Leo was literally speechless at the admission. He had pulled out Donnie's tooth? Because of a dare by Mikey? In the back of his mind, Leo was pledging he would never touch another alcoholic drink ever again as long as he lived. He would be vigilant in watching Casey, Raph, and/or Mikey if they hovered around a punch bowl; he would check any and every drink ever handed to him by Donnie; and he would take extra delight in destroying any alcohol that try to make its way through their front door.

"Wow."

Cat giggled, upon seeing the look on his face.

"Listen," he whispered. "I think we got off to a really bad start." Holding out his hand, he said, "Hi, I'm Leo."

Cat shook her head in mirth, but reached out to take the offered handshake. "Cat."

"I know we just met," he said, keeping down the nervousness he felt. "But I would be honored if I could…maybe call you sometime or…maybe take you to dinner."

"Like a date?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Like a date. One that I will hopefully remember."

Again, the alien woman gave a slight chuckle. "Okay," she said. "If you don't mind being seen with a strip club waitress, who may or may not be a whore based on her son."

Leo's small smile turned into a frown at her words. "The only dishonorable person here is me," he said, seriously. "And I personally haven't made a good impression to you. So the real question is, do you want to be seen with a giant, mutant uptight, prick of a turtle?"

"You're not a prick."

"But I'm uptight?" he joked. "Gee, thanks."

Urgent honking from below, caused the two to look down. Raph had his hand on the horn and his head out the passenger window. "Leo!" he yelled. "Hurry up already!"

"I have to go."

"I know."

"Can I call you?" he asked.

"You have the number."

"I do?" he asked, blinking. "I just called information the last time."

Cat shook her head. "It's in your cell," she said. "You asked me to put it in there because you didn't think you remembered how it worked."

_Yeah, never drinking again_. Leo shook his head, knowingly, before giving Cat a small smile. "I'll…I'll call you later, okay?" The alien woman just nodded. Leo backed away, a silly smile on his face, before he turned and ran down the stairs and jumped into the car.

"All settled?" Raph asked him, raising an eye ridge.

"Yeah," Leo replied. "All taken care of. Let's get the heck outta Dodge."

* * *

The drive back to the Utrom homeworld was fairly dangerous, by most driving standards. Leo, who was usually a more cautious driver, seemed to be flying through the solar system as though being chased by Karai, the Foot, the Purple Dragons, and other evil entities they had met in their journeys. As soon as they left Onde space, Donnie realized they could potentially be in trouble.

Their original plan of course was to be back on planet Earth yesterday, then to be dressed and ready for the wedding that would start in a few hours. Because they never foresaw the type of trouble they would find themselves in, they never thought to take their tuxedos with them. Michelangelo, however, seemed to know people even when off world. He was returning to himself after having breakfast pushed down his throat, along with his brother taking care of his sunburn. He apparently knew a bridal company, which luckily and amazingly could organize the appropriate dress at any time of day or night.

All they needed were measurements and location. As much as the groom had wanted to be wearing his signature color, they didn't have the time to get fancy; classic was always the best in a pinch. How Mikey had met these guys, how he knew them were questions best left answered when they arrived safely within their wedding party. The group just needed to stop at a secure location while they changed before hitting the road again. "Hey Mike," Raph asked. "How'd you pay those guys? Like how do you even know those dudes?"

"Well," the younger turtle smile, adjusting his tie. "When I woke up the first time on the roof, I reached into my pocket and discovered over a hundred thousand dollars of casino chips. Not only were those guys cool to hand out tuxes on short notice, but they have a casino cashier, just for folks like us."

That was probably the best news they had gotten all day.

* * *

The atmosphere around the place was one of either boredom or worry, though underlining the worry was anger. Master Splinter tried not to be angry, but he couldn't help the small amount that was nestled deep within him. On the surface, he tried to be a calming influence over the wedding party. His future daughter in law was of course agitated, as was his adopted daughter. They had actually spoken to his sons and the contradictory statements from two he _thought_ were the responsible ones did nothing to allieviate his feelings.

Inwardly, there was of course worry. When the last morning had approached and no one had heard from his sons, he was worried, like any parent would be. He knew that they would be returning some time that day, but he felt it was a bit out of character for Leonardo at least to not get started right away. He usually did not condone drinking from his sons, but in this case, he could understand the celebratory nature of doing so. He did hope that Leonardo, whom he knew never drank even if offered, would make his younger pay for their folly.

When the mid afternoon approached, Splinter's worry began to mount. It was around this time that Raphael had called, informing Samira that they had been granted an extra night's stay within their hotel. That was, of course, nothing out of the ordinary; since their off world friends had revealed themselves to the human world of Earth, it wasn't unheard of for he or his sons to meet other species or to offer them aid. No, that did not bother him in the least. It was however the acceptance of such a generousity that did peak his interest.

Knowing that their younger brother's wedding was the next day should have told Leonardo, that while this offer was gracious and most certainly deserving, it would need to be put off to some other time. It was then Splinter knew something was not right.

The height of course came when Donatello called and informed April that he and his other, older brothers, had somehow lost their youngest. How they had managed to do that or why, he did not know. And then, Leonardo had told Samira that everthing was fine and they were headed back, despite the fact the wedding would start in only a matter of hours. Yes, something was definitely at play here, that the aged rat was sure of. He may have been getting on in years, but he was a father and a grandfather as well. The same instincts that had once told him that Michelangelo had broken something, that Donatello had wondered off due to a distraction, and that Leonardo and Raphael had been fighting again had surely helped him in knowing when Kimiko had wondered off, following something or seeing something of interest (much like her father) and when Niccolo was due for another crying fit.

These instincts had kicked in a day earlier and had told him his boys had gotten into some amount of trouble that had cost them their brother. He would not be at ease unless he saw all four of them in front of him and relatively unharmed. The moment arrived when those inside their party's suite heard the rumble of a car. Within a few minutes, the door had burst open, revealing four out of breath turtles, all dressed in tuxedos – ones that Splinter did not remember seeing – and looking apologetic.

Being the parent he was, the aged rat looked over his boys, narrowing his eyes when he took each of them in turn. Leonardo looked relatively unharmed, though he couldn't say the same for his brothers. Raphael had the lasting image of a black eye around the left side of his face, while Donatello seemed to be missing one of his teeth; Michelangelo for his part, looked more grey than he did green, which of course was troubling to Splinter.

"Sorry," said Donatello. "Google took us on this weird route."


	12. Epilogue

A/N: Here it is, the end of WHOW. The following chapter after this is an allusions/references page, in case you want to know where some of the stuff came from.

* * *

**_Epilogue_**

* * *

The ceremony had been lovely, with the backdrop of a sunset on the horizon. Those involved had of course been curious as to what had kept the groom and his groomsmen from appearing on time and certainly, Mr. Mortu was extremely intrigued as to what had happened to his hover car. Sammi of course had been worried sick and was a little miffed that her husband had nearly missed his wedding and they fact that his color seemed off. Mikey, using every ounce of charm he could, promised her that nothing like this would ever happen again, as long as she was with him.

There were questions from everyone – Dell had wondered what had happened to her husband's tooth, while Kimmie had asked if he was going to wait for the tooth fairy to come; Angel and Casey had both wanted to know why Laila Ali was on Onde and why she had punched Raph in the face. Once the happy couple had their first dance, Master Splinter felt it was time to speak to his sons. He had only needed to say, "Boys," making each son cringe at what their father could possibly want or even how they would explain what had happened.

"Is Daddy in trouble?" Kimmie asked her mother.

Dell nodded, trying to keep a grin from her face. "Daddy, are you gonna get a spanking?"

"Daddy's too old for a spanking," Mikey chuckled. "We'll probably be doing flips for the rest of our lives."

"Or cleaning the dojo from top to bottom," Leo added, morosely, casuing Raph to grunted unhappily. He out of all of them had cleaned that dojo more times than he could count and he knew Mikey wasn't looking to do flips; that's why he was so agile now, all those flips he had done as a kid for getting in trouble. The red banded turtle couldn't say anything; he used to joke that his biceps had come from cleaning the dojo.

The four knew they couldn't escape or evade punishment, so they best thing was to follow their father in a secluded location so he could talk to them. He didn't need to ask what happened, he just needed to give them what they knew as 'the look', which told them he probably had some good ideas as to what happened and he would see through any lie they told. As usual, the three youngest looked to their older brother to relate the story and just hoped he did a good enough job at least divert most of the attention off of them and some where else.

Leonardo, though able to bluff his way through most sensitive situations, could not and had never lied to his father. In a case like this, however, delicacy was key in order to try and minimize the damage that had really been done. So he told his father the truth, sort of. He admitted that he, along with his brothers, had way too much to drink and had inadvertently destroyed their hotel room. They had played a prank on Mikey and they had forgotten where he was until just before they had left.

"And the reason you could not return when you originally specified?"

"Well," Leo began. "Because we couldn't remember where he was, we spent that day looking for Mikey. That's why we didn't return immediately."

"And how did you discover the whereabouts of your brother?"

The elder turtle waited a beat before saying, "An acquaintance that we had rescued from these gangsters actually said something that reminded me of that prank we played when we were younger. Remember, when we sat Mikey adrift on his mattress?" While Leo was somewhat amused by that story, Master Splinter was not. Yes, he did remember that incident, he also remembered how terrified Michelangelo had been after he was 'rescued'. Raphael had refused to speak to him for nearly a week because of the paddling he got from his father.

While the story seemed plausible enough, the aged ninja master sensed that there were things his sons weren't telling him. He looked from his eldest along the line until he got to his youngest. "And this is the case that all of you agree with?" he asked, knowingly. "Everything your brother has said is the truth, so far as you know it?" The three nodded eagerly. "Very well," he said. "I certainly cannot ask to elaborate on events if you have no knowledge of them, because certainly you are not _withholding_ events from me, yes?" The four shook their heads.

"Of course not, Sensei," Donnie replied. "Everything happened the way Leo said it did."

"Donatello, where is your tooth?"

"In my pocket."

"And how exactly did you lose it?"

Waiting a moment to think of a viable reason as to why his tooth was missing, the brainy turtle just replied, "It fell out."

"Your adult incisor just fell out?"

"Yes sir."

"And Raphael," he asked, his eyes slowly moving over to his second oldest. "What happened to your eye?"

"I was in a fight."

"With a female boxer, am I to understand that?"

"Yes sir."

"And why would you start a fight with her?"

"I asked for it."

"For what reason?"

"Cause it was Laila Ali and she's the greatest."

Master Splinter was stuck; while he knew his sons weren't telling him all they knew, he was not in a position to force them. They were no longer the little hatchings he had raised; they were men now, or at least adults as far as mutants went. This was evident by the fact that they were attending his youngest son's wedding. While he was slightly disappointed and a bit saddened that they couldn't feel the need to confide in him as they once did, he knew it was a sign of their independence. They needed to be able to handle their own troubles without his assistance, that's what he had trained them for and beyond.

The aged rat nodded slowly to them, a sign of dismissal that his students were used to. The four bowed deeply before turning and heading back to the party. "That went better than I thought," Raph whispered.

"Your tooth fell out?" Mikey asked, incredouly.

"Well, what else was I going to say?" Donnie shrugged. "I never found out what happened."

Leo chuckled, nervously. "Yeah, about that…"

* * *

The party was still in full swing, just the way Mikey liked them. He was seated out in the garden, along with Leo and Raph, just enjoying the sunset over the horizon. It was a good party, though it still felt odd to be in the premiere group of married ninja turtles, even though he and Donnie were the only members. But even still, it had been a good time on Onde, he imagined.

"Thanks," he said, looking at his older brothers. "I guess, for the bachelor party."

"If only we could remember it," Leo joked. Turning to look at Mikey, he whispered, "Congratulations, little brother. It was a nice wedding."

Raph, who sat in his chair cradling a sleeping Kimmie, couldn't help but joke, "I give it six months."

"You're an ass," Leo countered.

"Hey," Donnie interrupted, holding up a small object in his hand. "Guess what I found as Mr. Mortu and I were going through the car."

"What?"

"It's my camera," replied the brainy turtle. "I took with me, to take pictures, but it must've gotten wedged in the backseat somehow."

"Well, are there any pictures on it?" asked Leo.

"Yeah," Donnie said. "It's worse than we thought."

"Wait, hold up, bros," Mikey replied, standing along with the others as their crowded around their brainy brother. "If we look at these pics, we only do it one time and then erase them. But we gotta agree; one time and they're history."

"I say we delete them now," Leo voted.

"No way," Raph argued. "I wanna know how we got tangled up with that alien Gop and how the hell we met Laila Ali in the first place. Is that on there?"

"Yeah," Donnie nodded. "I'm actually kind curious as to why Leo punched me."

"Guys," the youngest said, a little more forceful and serious than they had ever known him to be. "One time. Deal?" The other three nodded their consent and they crowded closer to Donnie, as he turned the camera back on, revealing the first picture taken in Onde. It was the four of them, smiling, on the roof apparently after their toast. The next picture began the glimpse into the night that they couldn't remember.

And as the first youngest flipped slides, their expressions ranged from embarrassed to comical. "Now that's how you have a good time!"


	13. Allusions & References

**WHOW Allusions & References**

**MISC** – The story itself is a parody of the movie, The Hangover, that was released in the summer of 2009. The overall story, as well as some of the quotes, are either directly taken or paraphrased.

The planet Onde and the hotel Malraggio are both foreign words meaning, "evil"; Onde is Dutch and Malraggio is Italian.

This story is an indirect sequel to "Yuku Sue Unmei", in which characters of that story appear in this one. This is the real world, where YSU had an alternate world which was destroyed. Characters included are Michele Jones (mentioned), Niccolo di Roshi (Hamato Niccolo), Princess Dellandra, and Benji Mou.

**Prologue** – NONE

**_Chapter 1_** –

Sammi's description is a reference to Juhani from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic game. Juhani is a member of the Cathar species.

**_Chapter 2_**-

When Mikey tells Donnie he's the "Best. Brother. Ever." It's a paraphrase of The Simpsons' Comic Guy's usual line.

Mikey says "All praise me!" in response to his night. This is a line from the DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince song, "As We Go"

When the guys are on the roof, Donnie says, "Is this the little boy we've cared for…sunrise, sunset." This is taken from the musical Fiddler on the Roof.

At the end of the chapter, the small alien who is going through the living room is supposed to be the small alien from "Spaceballs", which in itself was a parody of the alien in "Alien"

**_Chapter 3_**-

In response to Raph saying he had things in every pocket, Don says, "I'm a turtle, not a robot." This is in reference to Dr. McCoy from Star Trek, who is most notably saying "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor not a…"

The Blue Oyster Cult is a 1960's rock group whose biggest hit was "Don't Fear the Reaper"

Donnie mentions that Onde is a lot like Vegas as they are passing numerous wedding chapels. Vegas has been known as the Wedding Chapel Capital for those looking to get hitched quick.

**_Chapter 4_** –

The description of Cat Mou (and ultimately Benji) is based on the character design of the Remalons from the webcomic The Executioners. Looking back on it, Cat Mou is a bit tongue in cheek – "meow" is of course what a cat says.

When Leo is talking to April, he tells her that they've lost quite a bit when she asks if they have won anything. This was meant as a joke, as they have lost Mikey.

One of the aliens attacking the car screams for them to get the 'fubar' out. Fubar is the acronym for 'fucked up beyond all repair/recognition'. I needed a swear word that wasn't in English and thought of that. It's funny because it describes the situation the turtles are in.

After the alien shoots Sophie, Donnie screams "Oh My God, they shot Sophie!" which Raph replies, "Bastards." This is a reference to South Park in which usually characters Stan Marsh and Kyle Brovlofski say, "Oh my god, they've killed Kenny!" "You bastards!" in regards to their friend Kenny's death in nearly every episode.

When the guys are headed towards Cat's apartment, Donnie asks if they saw the movie about three guys and a baby. This is in reference to the movie, "Three Men and a Baby".

Upon hearing Isaac's real name, Don asks Raph if he heard that. It's supposed to be a reference to the story Yuku Sue Unmei. Near the end, Nick tells Donnie that he is always getting into trouble with his cousin Benji, who happens to be Leo's son in that time period. _This will be explained in the upcoming sequel to YSU._

**_Chapter 5_** –

The title of the chapter is in reference to the first part of the Miranda Rights, rights given to criminals as they are arrested. The actual line is, "you have the right to remain silent."

Maa'k Tol – the drug that the alien officer says was in their system, is a reference to Rufinol (Rohypnol), as Donnie said and as Raph stated, it is commonly known as either 'roofies' or the 'date rape' drug. Rufilin is the name it's was called in the movie, thought the actual trade name is Rohypnol. Mistake in the chapter – forgot to change the alien's question after I changed the official name, so it shows I had originally used the term Rufilin.

When in custody, the alien officers ask the guys if they have any types of medical conditions. This is a reference to medical warnings on most amusement park rides (the next scene is an allusion to a type of ride)

**_Chapter 6_** –

The title of the chapter is reference to the famous boxing match between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier that took place in Manila, Philippines in 1975. The title is used as the guys meet Laila Ali, who is Muhammad's daughter and a boxer in her own right.

When Donnie tells Ali that Leo is obviously in the midst of having an episode, this is a bit of a paraphrase from a Spongebob episode. In it, Spongebob goes over to Patrick's and finds him rushing about the house, trying to fix things in a mad rush for Parent Starfish Day. Seeing him so unhinged (more than normal), Sponge says, "Well Patrick, I came over to invite you to go jellyfishing, but I can see you're busy having an episode." Though not a fan of the episode, I did enjoy the quote and needed to have it in something.

When Don is trying to give the fish the drugged fish, he says, "It's yummers." This is a reference to the second live action turtle movie, the part where Leo and Mikey are giving Tokka and Razar the drugged donuts (Mikey says "yummers", trying to get them to eat the donuts)

When Raph is reminiscing, he mentions that they had been given champagne at April and Casey's wedding. This is an alluision to my fic "Love Is…" which I had ironically planned to pen before writing this.

**_Chapter 7_** –

The reference of Leo rubbing Mr. Gop's belly is to troll dolls from way back in the day of the late 80's early 90's. Rubbing their big hair or if you had a bigger doll, stomachs were supposed to bring you luck. The same is also said about rubbing the Budda's stomach as well.

There is no Cholla Globee desert in Arizona (where I live), but there is a Cholla (pronounced Choy-A) street and a town called Globe. As a child, I read it as 'globee' or 'glob-ee'). For some reason, the idea of having two mispronounced names as a desert was funny. (C'mon, how many of you read that as "cho-la"?)

**_Chapter 8_** –

Title is in reference to playing cards, which is what the chapter is about.

Cat mentions that the aliens won't pay much attention to the turtles and mentions a comment a friend said, that "all humans looked alike to her." This is a reference to the appearance of most minorities to others, or people from other countries. It's the lazy man way of never bothering to tell someone apart and has been used to describe most races apart from those of Anglo Saxton decent.

When Leo apologizes to Cat in the car, his words are the same used by Nick in Yuku Sue Unmei, when he apologized for his behavior to Master Splinter.

**_Chapter 9_** –

Title is in reference to the saying, 'two wrongs don't make a right'.

Raph's thoughts regarding Leo are referenced in the phrase, "playing for the other team." This is a saying used when describing (or telling) a person that they suspect someone is homosexual. The reason I used it was, sometimes I think that about Leo too, until episodes that feature Karai pop up. Also, lately, I've just stumbled across a lot of turtle-cest or yaoi fics involving our favorite leader. It was sort of tongue and cheek.

The scene in the desert between the turtles and Gop are paraphrases taken from the movie.

When Donnie is talking to April, the first three paragraphs are taken from the prologue.

**_Chapter 10_** –

Title is in reference to the song 'Get Me to the Church on Time' from the musical _My Fair Lady_.

When Leo is thinking back on Master Splinter's words, he remembers, 'trust your gut'. This is in reference to the 2003 series episode, "Attack of the Mousers". After April has been rescued, Splinter says he trusts her, which Leo asked if he used a new technique to discern that she was trustworthy. Splinter replies it was a technique called, 'trusting your gut'.

At the end, Splinter notices that Mikey looks more grey than green; red and green make either a dark grey or a brown and I wanted Mikey to look a little off due to his sunburn.

At the end Donnie says that Google took them on a weird route. This is a paraphrase of the line in the movie, where Stu says Mapquest took them on a weird route. I, personally, like Google maps better, though it does have a tendency of taking the longest way possible sometimes.

**_Epilogue_** –

Raph explains the reason he let Laila Ali hit him was because "she's the greatest". This was an actual line used by her father, Muhammad Ali, who usually went around proclaiming himself to be "The Greatest."


End file.
